


Kiss Me Goodnight

by wakemeup



Category: USWNT - Fandom
Genre: College AU!, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-22
Updated: 2013-08-03
Packaged: 2017-12-15 19:27:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 33,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/853197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakemeup/pseuds/wakemeup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you don’t know who you are or what you’ve become. (College AU!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

 

Saturday November 12th

Three years and five days. Three years and five days since Tobin’s left her home. Three years and five days since she threw her keys in the driveway of her childhood home and never looked back.

 

This is her life.

 

Tobin Powell Heath doesn’t know what she’s on this Earth for. She’s never had much of a clue. When she was younger she used to think her dad’s word was the truth so when he told her that she was on this Earth to make people happy she would go around doing whatever she could just for a smile.

 

She’s not that little girl anymore. She hasn’t been for a long time.

 

Tobin’s been at Yale studying classic literature and divinity for three years and five days. In that time she still hasn’t found herself. She hasn’t found meaning to her state of being and she hasn’t found a reason for her existence. Tobin’s beginning to find that she’s becoming hopelessly lost.

 

She prays every night. She buries her head into books when she doesn’t want to think. She’s got a spot in the library that she sits at just for those occasions. That’s where she’s headed now; to the library because she can’t seem to find her way through her own thoughts.

 

Her favorite part about Yale’s library is the way that when she enters it she feels as though she’s surrounded by thousands upon thousands of geniuses. People who have the ability to transfer such hectic thoughts onto paper and have hundreds of thousands of people read it. To have people admire, criticize, analyze, and study their works. To be judged and torn apart page by page thought by thought and withstand that all to be immortalized within their works of literature. It’s the main reason why Tobin even studies literature.

 

As she walks past the front desk and the piles of books being returned she makes her way towards the back of the library and into a stack of books she knows so well. She finds a copy of the King James Bible and a copy of The Great Gatsby and A Tale of Two Cities. She can work through the latter two within a couple of hours. She’ll lose herself in the tales and perhaps even find a new symbolic meaning in each book. Tobin grabs the bible every time she comes. It’s a safety night for nights when she truly gets lost.

 

Tobin cradles the books in her arms and checks her phone to make sure it’s on silent. She doesn’t usually get many calls, but it’s always a good precaution. She moves through the stacks of books and towards the back corner of this room of the library. As she approaches her usual spot she sees someone’s already settled comfortably into the wooden desk and chair. Tobin stops and tilts her head in thought. This is the first time she’s seen anyone beside herself in this section at this time of night.

 

The small lamp on the table lights up the area of the desk and Tobin sees the girl that’s sitting at the small desk has fallen asleep. Tobin flicks her left wrist up and closer to her face. The small hands on her watch tell her it has just hit two in the morning. 

 

Tobin contemplates the pros and cons of waking the girl up and realizes that despite how uncomfortable it might be, she's sure that that position isn't a good one to sleep in and that she’d be doing the girl a favor anyways. 

 

As the 21 year old approaches the desk she takes in the other girls appearance. Soccer shorts and a t-shirt. Tobin can’t help but think it’s slightly out of place for the chilly fall weather. She taps the girl on the shoulder a few times and when she gets no response she shakes her a bit. The girl pops her head up and wearily blinks her eyes in confusion. She turns her head around to look at Tobin and the first thing Tobin notices are the way her eyes are a soft shade of blue.

 

“Sorry, I just saw that you fell asleep and thought I’d wake you up...” Tobin says to sort out the confusion that’s evidently presented itself in the other girl. “It’s like two am.” Tobin adds on, hoping she hasn’t upset the girl.

 

“Oh, thanks.” Her voice comes out rough because she’s been asleep. The girl rubs her eyes and stretches her arms up and back to loosen the stiff muscles she’s acquired sitting in such an awkward position. “I’m Alex.”

 

“Tobin.” They both sort of just stay still for a moment. Tobin doesn’t know what to do in this sort of situation. She doesn’t meet new people too often without her best friend with her or something. She doesn’t really know how to act. She feels out of place. “Do you come here often?” Alex asks Tobin.

 

“Yeah, actually, this is usually the desk I’m at.” Tobin smiles as she says it. She feels weird telling a stranger this. It’s an awkward thing to mention. She doesn’t want Alex to think she’s asking her to move or anything.

 

“Oh, sorry!” Alex scrambles to gather her things together. She slides everything into her backpack and moves to get up. “Nice seeing you, Tobin.” Alex flashes the other girl a tired smile and slings the backpack over her left shoulder. As Alex begins walking back into the stacks of books Tobin calls out, “Wait!” Alex stops and turns around.

 

“Take my hoodie, it’s pretty chilly out.” Tobin puts her books on the table and takes off her hoodie to give to the other girl. She doesn’t know exactly why she did it, but it’s good to do something kind. She’ll get it back eventually, she’s sure, but it’s cold out and Alex is barely wearing anything. Alex takes it graciously and without a fight. She’s tired and it’s early November. “Thanks, Tobin. I’ll find you soon, kay?” Alex turns around and trudges out of Tobin’s eyesight.

 

Tobin settles herself into the wooden chair and opens up The Great Gatsby. She starts to shake off her long day and loses herself in the words of Fitzgerald.

 

\----------------

 

“Where have you been?” Alex hears the moment she stumbles into her shared apartment. Kelley, Alex’s roommate, sighs out. Kelley’s been up late studying for her upcoming exams. “And who’s sweatshirt is that?”

 

“Oh, someone lent it to me. I fell asleep at the library.” Alex replies back. She’s still tired and the trek from the library to their apartment, but she’s glad that Tobin lent her this hoodie. She probably would’ve frozen to death.

 

Alex throws herself onto their coach and pulls a pillow up to her chest. She yawns out and turns her head to look at Kelley who looks like she’s fighting off sleep. “Kel, go to sleep.” Kelley turns to glare at Alex.

 

“I have way too many other things to be doing than sleeping. Sleeping is for the weak.” Kelley playfully responds back.

 

“Yeah, well, isn’t Hope sleeping right now? Calling your girl weak?” Kelley gets up from her seat at the table and lays herself across Alex’s lap. “No, my girlfriend is far from weak.” Kelley responds back and sticks out her tongue. Alex shoves her finger on Kelley’s tongue just to spite the girl. “That’s gross you touched my tongue.”

 

“We’ve known eachother since we were like 3; seriously?” Kelley just smiles and closes her eyes. They’ve both had this dream since they were in middle school. Go to Yale, study stuff, play soccer, live together, find someone to love, and just be happy. They’ve got most of it covered. Kelley’s a bit ahead.

 

“How are you and Hope?” Alex inquires quietly. As much as Alex teases, she cares about Kelley’s new interest and she wants the best for her friend. They’ve only ever fought twice in their entire friendship.

 

“We’re okay. Just kinda kickin off, y’know?” Kelley’s response is the complete opposite of the large smile that’s on her face. Alex knows that it’s more than okay and that she’s downplaying it for her sake.  

 

Alex can’t help thinking that it’s sad that her best friend, the one that’s known her the longest, thinks she’s somehow sad because her best friend is finding her footing and she can’t even decide what she likes in a person.

 

“Kells, you know I’m fine, right?” Alex leans her head back against the coach and closes her eyes. She’s too tired and too stressed as it is to care about a relationship. She has her friends, her team, and her family. She’s still 20 and young.

 

Honestly, Alex doesn’t really see a point to commitment or really anything too serious. She’s at a good point in her life. Why rush something that’ll come when it comes? She loves her friends to death. She’s outgoing naturally, but really picky when it comes to finding someone to date or even her real friends. Between her and Kelley, Kelley’s more accepting. Alex can’t help but pass judgement. Alex thinks back to how every person, mostly every girl, Kelley’s dated Alex has an opinion about. Including Hope.

 

She likes Hope. She’s a bit different from anyone Kelley’s been with before. She’s blunt to a fault and tells it like it is, which Kelley needs sometimes, but from what Alex gathers, she’s also very protective.

 

“I know.” Kelley responds cutting off any of Alex’s thoughts. “So, who would just lend you a sweatshirt out of nowhere?” Kelley continues forward. Hoping to engage Alex in some actual social conversation.

 

“Actually, yeah, uhm, this chick, Tobin, lent me her sweatshirt. Said it was cold out.” Alex replies back a smiling forming on her lips. the fact that she had just woken up made Alex’s memory a bit fuzzy, but she remembers that big smile the girl has. It’s natural.

 

“She just gave it to you because it was cold out?” Kelley’s confused. Who does that?

 

“Well, yeah.”

 

“Random.”

 

“I guess.”

 

“How are you gonna get it back to her?”  

 

“Uh, don’t know.”

 

“Nice one, Lex.”

 

Alex sort of just moves Kelley’s head to the side and lays her body next to her best friend’s. Cuddling is something they’ve been doing since they met. It’s comfort they’ve both grown accustomed to. Alex wraps her arms around Kelley and drifts off to sleep.

 

\--------------------------------

 

“I can’t believe we’ve spent half of our Saturday asleep.” Alex shouts out as she tugs her jeans on. It’s a quarter past three in the afternoon and they’re headed out for a late lunch.

 

“My back hurts. That couch sucks!” Alex hears Kelley call back at her.

 

“You’re the one who picked it out!” Alex laughs because that day was so hectic. She wanted to strangle Kelley and her stubbornness on getting a leather couch in a college apartment.

 

“Whatever, Lex!”

 

Alex walks out of her room and into their main living area. She’s got Tobin’s red sweatshirt folded up and in her hands. She’s got her favorite ripped jeans on and some uggs. The temperature is dropping and it’s already beginning to feel the winter.

 

“You inviting Hope?” Alex asks.

 

“Uh, if you don’t mind?” Kelley responds back peeking her head out of her door. Alex can tell she’s half dressed and totally still half asleep. And wait, is that her pink sports bra?

 

“Kells! Is that my pink sports bra?”

 

“Uh, yeah? I kinda snagged it when I ran outta clothes cause I suck at laundry.”

 

“Real nice, Kelley.” Alex responds back because if it weren’t for the fact that this was normal and that damn smile Kelley has, Alex probably would’ve been angry. Stupid, O’hara and her stupid face. “That’s my favorite sports bra. Make sure you give it back!” Alex adds on just to make herself seem a bit mad. “Whatever, Alex, you take my stuff all the time!” Kelley is still getting ready so her words are muffled and Alex knows she’s probably trying on different shirts.

 

“Hey I think I’ll walk to the library now, you can grab Hope and drive your car and pick me up after? Then we can go out to lunch.”  Alex says as she grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and downs half.

 

“Why are you goin’ there?” Kelley calls back.

 

“Gonna see if I can return this and thank Tobin.”

 

“Wait, her name’s Tobin?” Kelley walks out of her room still half naked above the waist.

 

“Yeah, I told you that last night, or this morning, whatever.” Alex replies back. Wondering why that matters.

 

“Oh, that name isn’t common, but wasn’t there a Tobin that was supposed to have been recruited for the women’s team alongside us?” Kelley inquires.

 

“Uh, I don’t know...” Alex trails off. That was three years ago. She barely remembers what she had for dinner last week. “Anyways, I’m heading out.”

 

“Yeah, okay, I’ll be round there in forty.” Kelley says back as she slips back into her room.

 

Alex shuts the door behind her and heads down the path to the main campus. The apartment complex they live in is a short 10 minute walk away from Yale’s library. Alex doubts she’ll run into Tobin right now because the girl was there about twelve hours ago and why would she run into her again so soon. But Tobin did mention that that was her usual spot and that means she’s there often. Maybe Alex has some luck.

 

As she begins the walk towards the library she can’t help but take in the scene around her. The main reason she and Kelley dreamed of Yale was because of the campus’ beauty. Year round, any season, but especially winter and fall, Yale has this magical appearance. It’s like wonderland. They had both been recruited to Stanford and Cal Berkley as well, but they’d been set on Yale for so long they couldn’t say no.

 

As she nears the large stone structure she smiles a bit. This library made her fall in love with books. It’s honestly the reason she chose to minor in classic literature. When she steps into the library she observes the warm glow emitting from the lamps and the hussle and bussle of people checking things out.

 

Alex begins walking towards the same area as before thinking that maybe Tobin’s there. As she walks through the large stacks of books Alex traces her fingers over the spines of passing books. When she comes to the ends of stacks and towards the area the desks are lined up against the walls she looks towards that one wooden desk she fell asleep on this morning.

 

When Alex sees that someone’s there she get’s a bit excited, but as she gets closer she realizes that it’s not Tobin at all. She frowns and bit and pivots around quickly as to not draw attention to herself, but as she does she slams right into someone else.

 

“Uff.”

 

“I’m so sorry!” Alex reaches down to help the other girl up.

 

“Oh, Alex.”

 

“Tobin. Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.” Alex says back hurriedly. How she can be this embarrassed she has no clue.

 

“Stop apologizing, it’s chill!” Tobin says back with a small chuckle. She’s tired and she’s been up all night, but Alex’s smile and blushing face is a shot of caffeine.

 

“Uhm, I just thought I’d see if you were here so I could give you this back.” Alex hands the sweatshirt back to Tobin. “I don’t know if I would’ve survived last night without it.” Alex can’t stop smiling. She feels like this should be a lot more awkward than it actually is.

 

“It’s cool, I didn’t exactly leave here so I didn’t really need it.” Tobin replies back pulling the sweater back over her head.

 

“You were here all night and morning?” Alex inquires carefully. She doesn’t want it to seem like she’s disapproving. She actually thinks it’s kind of cool that people can do that.

 

“Uh, yeah. I was on my way out but I left my keys under that desk.” Tobin points over to the desk they had both met at last night. She walks over and says a few words to the person currently sitting there and then motions under it. Tobin reappears by Alex’s side with her lanyard and keys. “See?” Tobin flashes Alex another smile and holds the lanyard up triumphantly.

 

Alex smiles back at her and they both begin walking back out towards the main entrance. “Have you had breakfast or anything?”

 

“Nope, been here all.” Tobin answers back. She’s a bit tired, but doesn’t really feel up to sleeping anyways. She was planning to head out and get some coffee or something.

 

“Wanna join me for late lunch?” Alex hopes she’s not being too forward. She’s never actually this forward because social interactions on her own never are this smooth, it’s only ever this nice when Kelley’s around. “Well, it’s actually me, my roommate and her girlfriend.” Alex adds in the that part to gauge Tobin’s reaction. As liberal as Yale is when it comes to that kind of thing, people don’t always have the best reactions to her best friend’s sexuality or hers.

 

Thankfully, Tobin just smiles and nods her head. That smile. It’s really growing on Alex.

 

Alex looks at her phone and shoots a text to Kelley about having another person join them and asks when she’ll be at the library.

 

The younger of the two walks them both outside and they sit side by side on the steps leading up to the library. It’s not too cold out, thankfully.

 

“So, you’re Tobin.” Alex says out randomly. She’s got some personality quirks, one of them being that she like to make random conversation about dumb things or deep things just to find out as much as she can about someone or something. She’s just super curious naturally.

 

“And you’re Alex.” Tobin responds back. This entire thing is odd for her. She doesn’t get out much and she definitely doesn’t go out to lunch with a stranger. She’ll blame it on her lack of sleep and her many hours alone with fictional characters. The nice thing is that it doesn’t seem uncomfortable at all. Tobin’s pretty sure it’s got a lot to do with Alex because she doesn’t do this often, but then again, she just likes how she feels around this girl. She can’t put her finger on it.

 

“Morgan, Alex Morgan.” Alex turns her head to wink at Tobin. That was an incredibly cheesy and cliche, but James Bond was a g. Alex is rewarded when Tobin laughs loud and free.

 

“Oh man, that was pretty spot on. Last name’s Heath.” Tobin’s still sort of laughing as she says it. It’s nice. This is nice.

 

“NIce to meet you, Tobin Heath.” Alex can’t help but keep smiling at the girl next to her. When Alex turns her head to look back at the view in front of her. She feels her pocket buzz and pulls her phone out to read the text from Kelley. As she does so she hears a car pulling up and realizes that Kelley’s actually here.

 

“C’mon loser!” Alex sticks her tongue out at Kelley and waves at Hope before standing up and motioning for Tobin to follow her.

 

“This is Kelley.” Alex points at her best friend in the drivers seat. “And that is her girlfriend Hope.” She proceeds to point at the passenger seat. Alex opens up the door for Tobin and closes it for her and goes around to the other side and slides in.

 

“Guys, this is Tobin Heath.” Alex says once they’re settled into the car.

 

“Woah! Wait, Tobin Heath like child soccer prodigy?” Hope calls out from the front whipping her head to look back at Tobin.

 

“Uh, that was a long time ago.” Tobin says back a bit uncomfortably. Alex might not know Tobin all that well and she might be terrible at this whole making new friends thing, but she’s in tune enough to recognize that Tobin is uncomfortable and this obviously isn’t the thing to talk about.

 

“So, where are we going to eat?” Alex asks hoping to shift the conversation away from her new friend and onto the outing at hand.

 

“How about that pizza place?” Kelley looks into the rear view mirror at Alex and Tobin. She sees them both shrug and shifts her eyes back on the road. When she got the text from Alex that Tobin would be joining them today, she was a bit surprised. The two had just met and Alex isn’t all that keen on getting to know new people on a personal level. Her best friend is usually friendly and welcoming, but it’s really rare that she goes the extra mile. It’s a good thing though.

 

\-------------------

 

“Dude, gross.” Kelley says when Tobin orders onions on her pizza.

 

“Onions, are good for you.” Tobin replies back.

 

They’re all settled into a booth, Kelley and Hope on one side and Tobin and Alex on the other. It’s oddly couply, but they’re having a good time. Kelley’s been coaxing Tobin into talking more and they’re getting along. Except for the whole onions thing.

 

“Babe, just chill.” Hope says and Alex can see the immediate effect on Kelley. She sees the way her best friend automatically relaxes her pose when Hope’s hand rest on her leg. It’s weird. Kelley’s never reacted to anyone this strongly and this quickly.

 

Alex turns to look at Tobin and smiles. “So, what’re your plans for the rest of your Saturday?”

 

“Uh, I don’t know. I’m actually pretty awake.” Tobin replies with a mirroring smile.

 

“You should come see us practice!” Kelley’s back to inserting herself in conversations.

 

Alex isn’t sure how well that’ll sit with Tobin, from what she’s gathered she’s pretty much just an introvert and it doesn’t seem like she’s too keen on anything soccer. Alex isn’t sure why though; with Kelley dropping that whole ‘child prodigy’ bomb and Tobin basically shrinking into herself, she’s pretty sure, and she may be just making up shit from her psych 101 class, that she’s got something else going on that’s made her have such an adverse reaction to the topic. You don’t just go from a child prodigy to not playing.

 

“Yeah, we’ll go out after. Maybe some bowling?” Hope adds on at the end to persuade Tobin into coming. She’s curious about this girl too and it doesn’t hurt to bond with her girlfriend’s best friend. She likes Kelley a bit more than she’s comfortable with considering it’s only been a few weeks. Plus Hope tends to just intimidate everyone, which isn’t exactly a bad thing, but right now it is.

 

“Bowling’s fun.” That’s Tobin’s reply, which sort of just came out. It’s not a yes or a no, just a statement. Tobin’s unsure of how to go about everything. She likes the company these people provide and she’s taken a liking to Alex in the short time they’ve been acquainted. That in itself makes Tobin want to run very far away. She doesn’t usually have friends. She just reads and studies and works. Ever since that day she just doesn’t trust much of anyone or anything.

 

Luckily the waiter comes back with their pizzas and everyone else is just too distracted with the food to question Tobin further.

 

“Oh my god, Kells, you’re gonna scare Hope away.” Alex is commenting on the way Kelley has literally been eating two slices at a time without any semblance of manners.

 

“Ish nosh scry.” Is Kelley’s response. Mouth full of pizza and not even an ounce of shame. “Kelley, that wasn’t even English.” Hope says to Kelley in an amused tone. Kelley’s immature nature should really be a turnoff to the ever mature, ever serious, bitch face, Hope Solo. But no. It’s endearing and Hope doesn’t even know when that happened.

 

“Guys.” Alex calls everyone’s attention to her. Alex clicks the home button on her iPhone to check the time. “It’s already almost 5. We have practice at 5:30.” They all need to go home and change before practice.

 

“Crap.” Hope knows she needs to be home like now to get ready. She doesn’t even know where her gloves are.

 

“Chiz.” Kelley says with her mouth full again.

 

“Dude, gross!” Tobin says laughing at the way Kelley’s chewed up food is on display for everyone.

 

“Babe, chew!” Hope doesn’t even know how a 21 year old ends up speaking with her mouth full like that. And that twenty one year old is her girlfriend.

 

Kelley gulps her food down and says, “Sorry not sorry.” and give them all a cheeky smile and bites into another slice, specifically leaning closer to Hope and doing it right in her face.

 

Alex turns to Tobin and gets her attention by pulling on her hoodie. “Hey, you don’t have to come to our practice or anything, but text me?” And maybe Alex is being a bit too forward, but she can tell they’re all having a pretty good time despite the awkward instances and she wants this to continue.

 

“Yeah, for sure.” And that stupid charming smile that Tobin flashes Alex just makes her smile ten times wider. They switch phones and as Alex enters her number into Tobin’s phone she looks up and notices that it’s gotten quiet on the other side of the table. Kelley’s got Hope’s hand in her own hands and she’s just drawing random shapes with her fingers. It’s a gentle moment and Alex doesn’t even know how the hell that happens in the middle of a pizza parlor.

 

She redirected her attention to the phone and clicks on the photo button and takes a quick selfie. “Here ya go.” Alex hands the phone back and when the waiter approaches their table everyone pays their share of the late lunch/early dinner.

 

Everyone hops in the car and Kelley drives Hope to her apartment first. They all wait for Hope to grab her practice bag and decide that they’ll all get ready back at Alex and Kelley’s place. “So do you wanna come to our practice or should I drop you off somewhere?” Kelley questions Tobin.

 

“Uhm, I think I’ll come. I just don’t want you guys to go out of your way.”

 

\---------------------------

 

“Dude, I think you used all my sports bras. Or you stole them.” Alex calls out into the apartment.

 

“Are you still stuck on this?!” Kelley shouts back. “Ow shit! Kelley your room is a mess.” Alex hears Hope yell out. This is insane. They’ve got like twenty minutes.

 

Alex throws on her Bulldogs t-shirt and grabs her practice bag. When she steps out of her room and into the kitchen she turns around to look at Tobin who’s fallen asleep on their coach. Alex just observes for a moment. She knows this is creepy and it’s definitely not what normal people do, but Tobin just looks calm. Peaceful.

 

Alex walks over and squats down in front of the couch. “Tobin?” Alex lightly taps the the other girl.

 

“Yeah? Sorry.” Tobin opens her eyes and sits up slowly.

 

“It’s fine, did you want to like borrow some clothes and change? Or shower? We’ve got like twenty minutes left.

 

“Are you trying to tell me I smell?” Tobin says back. Her voice rough from sleep and her hair matted oddly. Alex can’t help but think it’s cute.

 

“No! I just thought cause you’ve been like out all this time and...” It’s embarrassing and she’s flustered because no! She didn’t mean that and----”

 

“Alex! It’s cool! Yeah, I’d love to hope in the shower real quick. Can I borrow some clothes?” Tobin cuts Alex off because she knows she’s getting flustered and as funny as it is to watch, she doesn’t want the other girl to go through any unnecessary embarrassment.

 

Alex walks them both to her room and shows Tobin how to use the shower (because somehow that’s like a complicated thing). Alex gives Tobin one of her favorite sweatshirts. “Hey I’ll close my door and leave the stuff on the bed. There’s a towel in there for you!” She yells right at the door hoping that Tobin hears her over the water.

 

Alex walks out her room and back to the fridge. She pulls out three gatorades and places them on the counter for them to grab on their way out. “Boo!”

 

“Fuck!” Alex drops the last gatorade she was about to put on the counter and turns around to slap Kelley.

 

“You’re such a jerk!” Alex continues to slap Kelley as Kelley tries and fails to defend herself.

 

“Ow! Stop!” Kelley yells back. When Alex does finally stop Kelley picks up a gatorade. Alex leans herself against the the counter and Kelley does the same against the refrigerator. “So...” Kelley starts off.

 

“What?” Alex doesn’t have a clue as to what this is about. Plus they really need to get to practice soon.

 

“Tobin?” Kelley sticks to using one word phrases because she knows it’s a lot more fun and it ticks off Alex, which is just a plus.

 

“What about her?” Still so very confused.

 

“You like her?” What the hell. Where would Kelley even get that from.

 

“Baby, your room needs to be cleaned like now.” Hope walks out of Kelley’s room. Alex likes Hope a lot more now. Just because of her perfect timing.

 

“Hey, Tobin? You almost ready?” Alex calls out as Hope approaches. When Alex doesn’t hear anything back she walks towards her room and opens the door to peek in. Which is like, no. Rule number one in etiquette. Always knock. So Alex gets a nice view of Tobin Heath in a sports bra and jeans and just wow.

 

“You know knocking is something we do in Amurica.” Tobin says to Alex when she sees the other girl just staring.

 

“Uhm, we uh...I...” Alex needs to relearn words because what. “Uh, we gotta go soon.” Alex rushes out and then closes the door and walks back out to the kitchen face red.

 

Maybe she does like this girl.

 

\----------------------------------

 

“Pass the fucking ball!” Alex really hates her teammates sometimes. That’s a lie. Alex loves this team more than she’s loved any other team she’s been on. It just gets frustrating.

 

“Alex, calm down!” Hope isn’t one to usually tell anyone to do anything. Well, she commands her back line like she’s commanding an army in a war, but she doesn’t really ever say anything to the forwards.

 

Kelley jogs over to Alex who’s standing frustrated near the corner of the field. “Lex, what’s wrong? Why are you getting so frustrated?” Kelley really shouldn’t even be doing this because they’re in the middle of a freaking scrimmage, but this isn’t like Alex.

 

“She left.” Alex motions her head towards where a set of small bleachers sit. Kelley looks over and disregards the fact that, what the hell Alex you’re in practice!, and tells Alex that she probably got tired and went back to her dorm or apartment or whatever. Alex just nods and jogs back over to the center field.

 

“Kelley!” Hope calls out. See, the team doesn’t really know that they’re dating. And back to that whole war metaphor; Hope’s sleeping with a lower ranking officer. Well not really, because Kelley’s a freaking tank on the field. Kelley runs over to Hope and meets her at the edge of the penalty box. “What the hell’s wrong with her?” Hope’s not mad. Just a bit worried about Alex. “I think it has something to do with Tobin.” Kelley’s just as confused as Hope. Alex is all about soccer. It’s her passion. "Coach is noticing, babe." Hope says before turning around and heading back to her goal.

 

Alex fixes the pre-wrap on her head and looks over at Syd. Syd's younger by a couple years but she's a damn good forward. They work really well together as a partnership and coach loves playing a 2-4-4 formation.

 

“Ready?” Syd asks Alex. Even the younger girl can tell Alex’s head just isn’t in it, which is rare. But she’s her teammate and the best thing she can do for Alex is play her the ball and try to make this practice productive.

 

Alex nods her head in confirmation and the two of them head off into another drill.

 

\-----------------------

 

"I don't know okay?" Alex's tone tells Kelley that she's done with this conversation.

 

"Look, I'm gonna go out with Hope and I'll drop you off back at the apartment. Maybe she left a text on your phone or something."

 

The rest of the drive is quiet and Alex's head is resting against the window.

 

When Kelley pulls up to the apartment Alex grabs her bag and heads out. Kelley waits till Alex is in the complex before driving to Hope's place. She recognized that Alex needs some time alone.

 

When Alex unlocks the door and steps into her shared apartment she feels defeated. What did she do to make Tobin leave so abruptly and why the hell is it affecting her so much. She knows she’s been fairly pushy and forward and maybe that just doesn’t sit with Tobin, but maybe it’s also the fact that she stared at her half naked. It could be anything. Maybe it was just the soccer. Alex already knows that Tobin’s not exactly comfortable with it.

 

The problem is Alex knows she’s probably just started crushing majorly on Tobin. She’s terrible at social interaction and all, but she knows herself pretty well. Slow and steady doesn't work with Alex.

 

She trudges into the kitchen and pulls out some of the left over Mac and cheese from two nights ago and pops it into the microwave. Alex's main philosophy in life? When in doubt, eat. When you're sad, eat. Basically. Just eat.

 

As the microwave dings and she pulls out her Mac and Cheese her thoughts drift back to Tobin. Maybe it's her smile or maybe it's just that Alex is really curious about Tobin, but she can already tell how special she is.

  
\------------------


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 

Sunday November 13th

 

Alex is awoken by a pillow being smashed into her face repeatedly. It’s not pleasant at all. “Pick up the phone, Lex.” Kelley’s groggy voice says. Alex just noticed the apparent ringing that’s going on somewhere near the edge of her bed, but also the fact that Kelley’s somehow ended up in her bed too. Alex rolls herself over and throws an arm over the edge of the bed patting around for her phone.

 

“Hello?” Her face is half smushed into the pillow and she’s mumbling, but whatever. It’s Sunday and she shouldn’t have to get up till she wants to.

 

“Hey.” The voice on the other side of the line automatically get’s Alex to flip over on her back and pay more attention.

 

“Tobin?”

 

“Yeah, that’s me.”

 

“Hi?” Alex has half a mind to be mad, but it’s early, or she thinks so. Plus Tobin’s got that whole cute factor helping her out.

 

“I’m sorry.” Tobin breaths into the phone after a bit. She knows she did the worst thing by running out of that practice, but she just couldn’t be there. The day itself had been long and overwhelming and the soccer didn’t help.

 

“It’s fine.” No it’s not actually fine with Alex, but pushing isn’t the best approach. Alex hears Tobin sigh into the phone.

 

“Do you climb?”

 

“Climb what?” Alex replies.

 

“Rock Climb.”

 

“Nope, I’ve never done it.”

 

“Want to?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Cool.”

 

“Text me the details?” Alex really just wants Tobin to text her so it isn’t that awkward first text conversation.

 

“Yeah.”

 

When they hang up Alex turns to her side and pokes Kelley in the face. “What are you doing in my bed?” Alex hears Kelley grunt. “I came to check on you and then I just sorta fell asleep.”

 

“Get out.” Alex uses her feet to push Kelley off the other side of her bed. Kelley rolls off with a thump and Alex doesn’t even care. She’s pretty sure Kelley’s going to end up sleeping there for another hour or so. Alex hears her text tone go off and turns back around to get her phone.

 

A text from Tobin. Alex also realizes it’s already eleven. The text reads: 'I think it'll be easier if I pick you up. Maybe like 12?' Alex smiles a bit and replies with a quick, 'Okay, yeah. (:’ and throws her phone back onto the floor.

 

“Kelley?” Alex rolls to the other side of the bed and hangs her head off of it to look at her best friend. When she doesn’t get a response and still doesn’t feel like opening her eyes she grabs the pillow from underneath her head and hits the space she thinks Kelley’s face is on the floor.

 

“Dude, you’re an asshole.”

 

“You’re in my room.”

 

“Alex, shut up.” Kelley replies taking the pillow out of Alex’s hand and shoving it over her face to block out the sunlight and her annoying best friend.

 

Alex shuffles herself off the bed and towards her bathroom grabbing her towel and some clothes on the way. “Lex, where are you gooooooooing?” Kelley is whiny sometimes, but whatever.

 

“Showering.” Alex replies before shutting the bathroom door.

 

\------------------------

 

When Alex gets out of the shower and the door to the bathroom she’s surprised by the thump and Kelley O’Hara’s freakin body right in front of her.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“You take forever.”

 

“Why are you sleeping against my bathroom door?”

 

“Tobin texted or something. So I looked and then I crawled over here to yell at you and tell you, but then I fell asleep.”

 

Alex reaches down to grab her iPhone from Kelley’s hand and steps over her friend’s body.

 

“Well thanks for that.” She checks her phone and sees that Tobin’s actually here early and wants to know whether she should come up or not. Alex shoots back a “come up!” and goes to unlock the door for Tobin.

 

“Kelley, get your ass up.” Alex calls back after unlocking the door. “Oh, and I’m stealing a protein bar from you.” As Alex is reaching up to grab a protein bar in the cabinet she hears a knock and yells out, “It’s open.”

 

“Hey, Alex.” Alex turns around and smiles at Tobin. “Hey!” She takes in the blue running shorts and white vneck that Tobin’s wearing. “Sorry, I just need to grab my bag and we can head out. Do you want a protein bar?” Tobin shrugs and Alex throws a bar at her.

 

“Alex, why is your room better than mine.” Kelley says as she walks out of Alex’s room rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Alex walks past Kelley and into her room. “Because I actually know how to keep things off the floor.”

 

“Sup, Heath?”

 

“Not much.” Tobin still feels a bit awkward around Kelley and even Alex. Tobin shifts back and forth.

 

“Hey, you okay?” Kelley’s like half asleep still and needs some food in her body, but she knows that Tobin’s abrupt departure yesterday evening was odd and the fact that it hurt Alex or whatever makes her feel like she’s inclined to figure it out. That is her best friend after all.

 

Tobin looks at Kelley curiously and responds with a “Yeah?”

 

“Not so convincing, bro.”

 

Alex comes back out of her room before the conversation can continue. “Kells, don’t wreck the apt or anything while I’m out.”

 

“Well Hope is coming over.” Kelley responds back cheekily and winks.

 

“Oh stop. Please. TMI.” Alex says as she walks to the front door with Tobin. “Lock the door!”

 

\----------------------------

 

“So happy it’s Sunday.” Kelley’s got a hamburger in one hand and a milkshake in the other.

 

“You really should learn how to chew before you speak.”

 

“You’re still with me after dealing with this for like ever. You’ll live.”

 

They’re both currently sitting on the hood of Kelley’s car and eating their lunch.

 

“Whatever.” Hope doesn’t even know why she bothered mentioning it.

 

“Want some of this?” Kelley offers up her oreo milkshake.

 

Hope takes it and drinks some. “Our next game is against Stanford.”

 

“Do you ever not talk about soccer?” Kelley replies back playfully. Although, she’s kinda serious about it. She sees Hope shrug and go back to drinking the milkshake. “Babe?” Hope looks back at Kelley. “There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m sorry.” See, these are the moments Hope has to be careful about. When Kelley gets serious and mature and Hope has to be careful not to fall on her face like an idiot for Kelley O’Hara.

 

“I just don’t know what else to talk about sometimes.” Hope says back. It’s true, she doesn’t know what else to talk about because when she shifts away from the topic of soccer things get personal. And Hope Solo tends to be a bitch to everyone when they try to get personal.

 

“Hmm, well, this burger. It’s got layers. I’ve got layers, you’ve got layers.”

 

“Wait did you just like steal a line from Shrek?” Hope’s laughing and this girl. This girl just knows what to do no matter what.

“Is Alex okay?” Hope asks after they’ve calmed down.

 

“I guess so. I don’t know.” Kelley replies back. She’s actually really surprised Hope asked about it. She’s surprised Hope even cares, but surprised in a good way. “Also, stop drinking all my milkshake, you have your own.”

 

“Mine’s not as good because it’s mine and I like taking your stuff.” Hope says back and dramatically takes a long drink of the oreo milkshake.

 

“You suck.” Hope just winks in response and goes back to eating her fries.

 

“So, Tobin Heath, what do you think?” Kelley wants to know what else Hope knows about Tobin. After all, she was the one who recognized the name and called Tobin out on being a child soccer prodigy because what even?

 

“I don’t know. I remember my dad talking about her with me when I was younger. About how this girl was so much younger than me, but had the skill of people way older than us. Kid could weave through a defense really well. That was Tobin.”

 

“Woah, so like, she was legit and stuff?”

 

“Yeah. I don’t know why she stopped playing or anything. Just that she was pretty big in the soccer world for a bit.”

 

“Do you think she likes Alex?”

 

“What?” Hope’s confused.

 

“I don’t know. Alex hasn’t ever liked anyone or admittedly fallen in love. So I can’t tell if she likes Tobin or if she’s like whatever.”

 

“You’re so articulate.”

 

“Babe, shut up.” Kelley sticks out her tongue blows up her cheeks. She’s way too adorable for her own good.

 

\-------------------------

 

"So, you climb a lot?"

 

"Eh, when I can. It's good excersize."

 

"You're gonna teach me right?"

 

"Yeah, of course." Tobin smiles and tosses Alex the bag of chalk she just stuck her hands into.

 

"Here, we'll just use the free wall." Tobin points at 10 foot high rock climbing wall off on the side of the gym. "It doesn't require a harness or anything like that." Alex gives Tobin a nod and follows the other girl over.

 

“It won’t hurt if I fall right?” Alex asks with a bit of unease in her voice. She can tell the surrounding floor is matted and the wall isn’t that high, but the concaves and mushroom shaped areas make her nervous.

 

“Shouldn’t.” Tobin replies back and begins in a starting position on the bottom of the wall. “So, there’s a bunch of colors here underneath each rock, but I’m gonna only the use the ones with pink under them. Each color is a different difficulty level.” Tobin begins climbing keeping her body tight to the wall. Alex can’t help but observe the muscle and gracefulness that this sort of activity requires. As Tobin begins to reach a point on the wall that it contorts and almost goes entirely upside down, she watches in awe when Tobin keeps herself steady purely using her upper body muscles. Tobin falls off a few seconds later when she loses her grip, but Alex is still impressed.

 

“Okay, don’t think I can do that.” Alex replies when Tobin flips herself over to lie on her stomach and look at Alex.

 

“You can!” Tobin replies and motions for Alex to the wall. “Try the green path. It’s beginners.”

 

Alex tries and fails for the next twenty or so minutes before she lays herself on the mat and huffs out, “I am done.”

 

“You did really well.” Tobin replies back moving to lay next to Alex.

 

“How do you do this so often?” Alex inquires while looking at her red hands. She’ll probably have callouses there by tomorrow. Gross. Not to mention the soreness her arms are feeling now.

 

“It’s relaxing.” Alex looks over to see Tobin next to her lying on her back with her eyes closed and chalky white hands folded over her stomach.

 

“I’m sorry, again, for leaving yesterday.” Tobin really is sorry. It was abrupt and she knows it was kinda rude, but she just couldn’t handle it.

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Alex replies despite the urge to ask why. Plus, she was way too upset over missing someone she literally had just met.

 

“Did you, Kelley, and Hope go bowling?” Tobin just wants to make conversation. This whole being friends thing with someone, especially someone who’s like Alex is just new and she doesn’t want to mess up or anything.

 

“Uhm, no. I think they went out, but I was tired.” It’s the truth. Sorta.

 

“Kelley and Hope, they’re cool.”

 

“Yeah. They are.”

 

“How long have they been together?”

 

“Uhm, like three weeks?” Alex replies. Wondering where this conversation is even going.

 

“That’s cool.” Tobin sits up and tugs off her climbing shoes.

 

“Why?” Alex can’t help it, she’s curious as to why Tobin’s asking because it is a peculiar thing to ask.

 

Tobin mulls over the question. She’s curious about the dynamic between the three of them because it all just seems natural, but most of all she’s curious about how Kelley and Alex work. Tobin’s observant nature has developed over the years. She’s gone from an over enthusiastic optimistic child, to a quiet realistic adult. She recognizes that.

 

Tobin’s only known the three of them for a day, but already she sees how much Kelley and Alex care for each other. The thing she doesn’t understand is that she think Alex has feelings for Kelley. She could be wrong and it could just be that they’re that close. She noticed the starring Alex had been doing at the pizza place and even just her reactions to Kelley.

 

“I don’t know. I just thought you liked Kelley.” No point in Tobin lying. Friends should be honest from the start or whatever.  

 

Alex sort of chokes on air and sits up quickly to look at Tobin. “What?! No!” That’s completely absurd. She’s known Kelley for so long and they’re like sisters.

 

“What? Dude, sorry! I just thought...” Okay that’s really embarrassing for Tobin.

 

“No, I mean like. Where did you even get that from? She’s with Hope!” Alex is honestly really confused.

 

“Just your mannerisms and stuff. I may not be all that like clued in with people, but it’s a classic. Someone falls in love with their best friend-story!” But really, like, there are so many books that this happens in. “A Midsummer Night’s Dream? C’mon, classic!” Tobin’s really just defending herself now by using Shakespeare. How classy.

 

“No way. We’re just close.” Is Alex’s response.

 

\--------------------

 

Monday November 14th

 

“Tobin!”

 

“Oh my gosh, Tobin turn around!” Heather O’Reilly is not amused. Tobin still hasn't turned around. Heather starts running after Tobin who's got headphones in her ears. When she catches up to Tobin she taps her on the shoulder.

 

"What's up?" Tobin asks as she stops and pulls her headphones out of her ears.

 

"You're like deaf. I just ran across the quad to get your attention."

 

Tobin smiles and says, "Now you have it."

 

"No shit." Heather's always liked Tobin. They had Lit 101 together back in freshman year and they both declared Lit to be their majors. They study together every so often. "Do you want to study together before finals? There's gonna be a study group in the library. Uhm, I know Casey will be there and some other people." Finals are like next week. Before they all leave for break.

 

"Yeah for sure, I'm gonna need all the help I can get."

 

"Tobin, you're like better than our professor, pretty sure we all just need your help." Heather laughs at how humble Tobin is like 100% of the time.

 

"Whatever, dude. Text me the details."

 

\-------------------

 

"I hate class." Kelley tells Alex before ordering two Americanos from the barista at the coffee shop.

 

"No, you don't, you hate work.”

 

“You know me so well.”

 

“Yeah, starting to realize that...” Alex says back.

 

“What?” Kelley’s confused. Why did Alex sound not happy about that?

 

“Nothing.” Alex replies with unconvincingly.

 

“Don’t fake smile at me. Lex, what’s up?” Kelley pokes at Alex. This is weird.

 

“Don’t poke me!”

 

“Two Americanos!” The barista calls out from the other side of the shop. They walk over grab their coffees and find a seat on one of the back coaches.

 

“No, for real though, we’ve known eachother forever, when did that become a bad thing?” Okay, Kelley’s not confused, she’s worried.

 

Alex shakes her head and tucks her legs under herself and takes a sip of her coffee. “Yesterday was weird.”

 

“What?” Kelley’s not catching on.

 

“I hung out with Tobin yesterday. We were talking and stuff, but then she mentioned that she thought I y’know....” Alex mumbles the rest into her coffee.

 

“Stop mumbling and just tell meeeeeee.” Yes, Kelley’s whining because she can and it always works on Alex.

 

“She thought I liked you!” Wait, what.

 

“Wait, what?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Well, that’s awkward. I thought she liked you.”

 

“What?”

 

“I thought Tobin liked you. Or at least was interested in you. Actually she probably still is.”

 

“How are you not reacting to Tobin saying I liked you when you’re dating Hope. She’s only known us for like a day.”

 

“I mean, I’m attractive. Everyone is under the assumption that everyone likes me.” Kelley winks and laughs loudly. Alex throws her used napkin at Kelley.

 

“You’re so conceited.”

 

“Hope’s rubbing off on me.”

 

“Oh my god, tmi, Kells.”

 

“True stuff, young-in.”

 

“I’m like not that much younger than you.” Alex laughs and goes back to drinking her coffee. Monday’s are usually their days. They meet for coffee here and hang out before going back to study and then practice later.

 

“But seriously, why are you bothered so much about it?” Kelley asks trying to put her serious face on. She is wondering why it matters all that much, if things are platonic it’s simple enough isn’t it?

 

“I don’t know.” Actually, Alex hasn’t stopped thinking about it since yesterday. She does have a clue, but she doesn’t want to admit that to herself quite yet.

 

“How are things with Tobin though?”

 

“Good, I guess? I don’t know.” Alex shifts a bit to grab her phone that’s sitting on the table across from the couch. She taps the home button and looks through her new texts. One from Hope to the entire team about practice, another from her mom about winter break, one from her sister with a picture of her potential wedding dress, and one from Tobin that’s a reply to her ‘hi.’

 

“You don’t know? About what...?” If Kelley’s right, which she always is (in her opinion anyways), then Alex likes Tobin. Like really likes her. Even if Alex doesn’t quite know it yet.

 

“You know I like her or whatever, I just don’t know if she likes me.” Alex realizes how that sounded and immediately facepalms. “Oh my god, I sound like a middle schooler.” Kelley’s laughing isn’t helping either.

 

"Awwie, Alex is back to being 15."

 

“You’re such an asshole.”

 

"Man, explains why Hope and I are such a perfect couple."

 

Alex rolls her eyes and looks back at her phone. She texts Tobin back asking about her day.

 

"Are you texting her now?" Kelley leans forward and basically popping Alex's personal bubble trying to see Alex's screen. "Yeah."

  
\---------------------


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 

Thursday, November 17th

 

"Hello?" Tobin hates pickin up the phone to unknown or blocked numbers. It's usually people trying to scam, but with break coming up and Tobin on her toes about getting an a new job for the winter she kind of has to pick up her phone.

 

"Tobin?" It's a female's voice on the other side of the line.

 

"Who is this?" It doesn't sound like anyone from her interviews so she doesn't really have to be polite. Plus her day has been pretty shitty so far.

 

Tobin realizes there's silence on the line and pulls her phone back from her ear to see what happened, it's blank. They hung up.

 

What the hell. See, this sort of thing does not help to make Tobin's day any better. She's already been late to a one on one with one of her professors, spilled tea all over her sweatshirt, and forgotten one of her books back at her place. Now some lady has called her and just hung up. Pranks aren't fun people.

 

Tobin continues her walk through the quad and into the building her favorite professor and mentor works.

 

“Tobin! So good to see you!”

 

“Hey PP!” Tobin’s glad at the laugh she receives and even laughs back at the attempt at a disapproving smile her professor gives her.

 

“You should really just stick to Professor P, one day someone’s going to hear that in the wrong context.” He continues laughing anyways. “Have a seat!” Professor P points to the chair that sits across from his desk. He pushes away the piles of work he has in front of him and folds his arms and rests his head on them to give his full attention to Tobin. “What brings you to my humble abode?”

 

“That exam your colleague is threatening all of us with. It’s like the looming shadow of death.”

 

“Oh, you. Always exaggerating. Thomas may be a hard ass, but he’s got no hold over death.” Professor P winks at Tobin and laughs. Tobin Heath isn’t a stresser and she’ll never be one. She’s also got nothing to worry about when it comes academics.

 

“Heather’s put together another study group for his final. I think it’ll be an all nighter.” Tobin mentions it only because sometimes she can get Professor P to join them and save them from reviewing on their own.

 

“Oh no, don’t even try to get me in on that. Helping delirious, stressed, study crazed students are not on my list of things to do on a Friday night.”

 

“You’re so lame.” Tobin says it with a smile on her face because it was worth a try and all.

 

“Me? You’re a college student studying on a Friday evening.” Tobin just shrugs in response. “Speaking of being lame and all of that, how are you?” Professor P always has to get so serious, but that is a reason why she respects him and his infinite wisdom.

 

“I’m fine. Awaiting winter break.”

 

“Huh, anything exciting this year?”

 

“Not at all.”

 

“You’re boring.”

 

“Professor!”

 

“Go do something!” Professor P is the kind of guy that goes climbing a mountain or something for fun. Always so adventurous. How he became a professor Tobin never understood. “And soccer?” He adds it on a few seconds later and it’s a terrible thing to bring up and he knows it.

 

“No.”

 

“Still?”

 

“I...guess you can say I tried?” Tobin is looking directly at Professor P.

 

“You tried?”

 

“I made some new friends? They happen to be on the soccer team and invited me to go to a practice.”

 

“And?” Professor P is literally on the edge of his seat and leaning a bit too forward on his desk. He looks a bit like a cartoon character. His style of dress; the brown blazer, the bow ties, they don’t really help quell that image much.

 

“I couldn’t stay.” Professor P dramatically leans back in his chair and places his right hand under his chin.

 

“Why do you think that is?”

 

“Have you suddenly become the psych professor without my knowledge?” Tobin smiles because he’s so animated that this conversation, despite the serious nature, is relaxing. He’s her only confidant. Really, he’s the only guy here at Yale that actually knows a single personal thing about her. Maybe it’s because he reminds her a lot of her father, which is just complicated.

 

“Well aren’t you just the detective today!” Is his only reply.

 

“How’d you know?” Again Tobin’s just smiling and going along with it. Their conversations tend to do this often.

 

“Who was it on the soccer team that you’ve become friends with?” Back to being serious, or maybe he’s just curious. Tobin never knows.

 

“Alex Morgan, Kelley, and Hope.”

 

“Ahh! I know Alex. I had her in one of my classes.” Professor P has a finger pointed in the air like there’s a light bulb next to him. Again, cartoonish. “I’m glad you’re surrounding yourself with people these days.”

 

“It wasn’t really intentional.”

 

“That doesn’t make it any less significant, Tobin.”

 

“Doesn’t it?” Tobin still hasn’t settled her feelings about Alex or her friends. She doesn’t need complication in her life and people are complicated.

 

“You know you bury yourself so deep in books and get lost in the characters that exists, but you forget that someone else’s mind created them. There are people out there that have that sort of creativity and passion, Tobin. They don’t have to be as old as Shakespeare.” Tobin folds her hands and starts fidgeting.

 

“More than anything, Tobin. Find some company this winter.”

 

\----------------------------

 

Friday, November 18th

 

“Kelley, I’m heading out!”

 

“Okay! Lock the door!” Kelley shouts back from her room. “Oh, also! Don’t stay out too late, the game against Stanford is tomorrow.”

 

“I know, kinda hard to forget since your girlfriend seems to be reminding us every few hours.”

 

“Leave her alone, she’s cap’t and she’s just excited for the last game before break.”

 

Alex shuts and locks the door and heads out. Kelley’s lending her the car for today since she’ll be out later tonight. Alex looks are her watch and realizes that it’s almost 4:00pm. She starts jogging towards the parking lot and throws her stuff in the backseat.

 

When Alex arrives at the library it’s 4:01 and she’s back to jogging into the library, past the front desk, and into one of the private study rooms that are available to be reserved. Luckily, Heather is pretty organized and put this together for the people who have lit exams.

 

“Hey!” Alex walks into the room and grabs the closest open seat. She sets her backpack on the floor next to her chair and grabs her pen and books and places them on the table. When she’s settled she looks up and around and realizes that she’s actually sitting next to Tobin. Alex smiles at Tobin and continues looking around the room. There’s a couple faces she recognizes like Heather, Casey, and Tobin, but the other 5 or so people in the room are unfamiliar.

 

“So, what should we should we look at first?” Everyone begins to pull out notes and different things they’ve studied this semester. The studying begins and for the next few hours there’s constant talking and debating. Around 7pm everyone begins to get a bit antsy and Heather suggests a quick fifteen minute break.  

 

Tobin stands up to stretch a bit and Alex follows to do the same.

 

“Hey, didn’t know you’d be here.” Alex says to Tobin.

 

“Didn’t know you’d be here either, good surprise though.” Tobin smiles and sits back down.

 

“You study lit?” Alex mentally facepalms because duh, Tobin is here so she definitely studies it.

 

“Yeah, I’m under the assumption you do as well.” Alex just sort of laughs it off awkwardly and picks up her pencil to doodle on her paper. “You doodle a lot.” Tobin says as she looks over at Alex’s paper of notes. There’s little characters and animals and shapes everywhere.

 

“I always have to keep myself busy.” Alex replies.

 

“What’s that?” Tobin points at the small looking dog thing at the corner of the page.

 

“Oh, it’s the family dog. I miss him.” Alex moves her pencil to shade over it again. “I get to see him during break though!” She smiles at the thought of her family and the warm Cali weather. “You going home for break?” Alex adds when Tobin doesn’t say anything back.

 

“Uhm, no.” Tobin replies and then everyone is filing back in the room and they get back to studying before Alex can ask questions. Casey is asking a question about the lit paper they had a couple weeks ago and how much of an impact that’ll make on their final.

 

After a bit Alex writes something on the corner of her page and slides her notebook over a little to grab Tobin’s attention. Tobin looks down at the sheet and reads the small note: “Do you have any plans at all for break?” It’s cute because Alex has that girly half cursive half print handwriting.

 

Tobin grabs her pen and contemplates what to write back. She could pretend that she does have plans and say yes because that’s just so much easier, or she could actually be honest and y’know, follow Professor P’s advice. Start actually trying to make friends. Plus, she doesn’t think it hurts that Alex is cute. She writes back and slides the paper over.

 

“Nope.” Is written underneath Alex’s previous note. Alex contemplates where to go from here. She could just inquire and ask why or she could do what she’s been thinking of. It’s totally far fetched and unlikely, but worth a try. Plus it happened in the Prince & Me. Movies should reflect real life.

 

Alex scribbles back and slides it back over to Tobin. She watches out of the corner of her eye for Tobin’s reaction.

 

Tobin responds to one of Casey’s questions and glances down at the notebook. “Want to come to Diamond Bar with me? Warm weather?” And to add to that there’s a huge sun surrounding it. Tobin smiles at the animation. Should she go? That’s really dramatic and spontaneous and sort of a burden for Alex. Not to mention the fact that she’s only known her for about a week and it’s totally out of left field.

 

Maybe it’s the library and it’s magical powers or maybe it’s just that Tobin’s happy right now. Maybe it’s the way Alex doodles or the way Heather is literally red because she disagrees with Casey, but Tobin ends up writing, “sure” with a smiley face to illustrate her happiness.

 

Alex looks at it and smiles.

 

\--------------------

 

Saturday, November 19th

 

“I can’t believe I studied that late. Seven freaking hours.” Alex groans at the thought of how much of her life she’s not getting back from all of this studying.

 

“Oh shut up, the games today get pumped!” Alex looks at Kelley and just glares.

 

“I’m immune to that shit.”

 

Alex picks picks her phone off of the kitchen counter and checks her messages. She smiles at the text from her mom. “Glad you’re bringing someone home that’s not Kelley!” Her mom is so dumb sometimes, but she loves her. It makes her giddy thinking about spending time with Tobin outside of school and the environment that Yale has. They’ll have about two weeks to do whatever and that’s a long time considering they’ve only known each other for a week.

 

Her next text is from Tobin. “No, not even in the slightest bit.” They’ve been texting since last night pretty much nonstop. Tobin’s referring to the fact that Alex says she should feel guilty about how she missed a good portion of the studying because they were passing notes. Alex loves that Tobin’s been opening up bit by bit. Alex still doesn’t know anything else about Tobin, but the banter is comfortable and it’s coming easy.

 

“Stop cheesin’ at your phone and get your stuff together!” Kelley throws her sock at Alex.

 

“Gross dude.” Alex throws the sock back and goes back to texting Tobin. “I have a game today, I know soccers a whatever for you, but you should drop by. Maybe you’ll be my lucky charm?” Alex knows it’s flirty and cheesy and totally not smooth, but whatever. Tobin will take it with ease and Alex really wants her to come and watch. Soccer’s her biggest thing and she’s damn proud of it.

 

“Alex, seriously, I’ll steal your phone and give it to Hope. Get your shit together.” Kelley threatens. And Alex knows she’s mostly serious because that has happened before.

 

“Fine, hop off! The games in like three hours. Plus it doesn’t count for our record or anything.” Alex jogs to her room and grabs her bag. She’s already got her warm ups and uniform on thanks to Kelley’s persistent nagging.

 

“I have to pick up Hope and plus I want to stop by the trainer.”

 

“I see how it is. Hope takes priority.” Alex walks back into the open living area and sticks her tongue out.

 

“Whatever, Lex. Plus this is Stanford. I’d like to wipe their faces on our turf.”

 

"Who wouldn't?"

 

"Oh, here." Kelley tosses a Gatorade at Alex.

 

"Alright, I'm ready." They both leave the apartment and head down to the parking lot. Kelley drives towards Hope's place.

 

"Are you at least a bit excited for this game?" Kelley asks.

 

"I'm excited for every game. Plus Syd wants to beat Stanford just as much as the rest of us." Alex loves her teammate. Whenever she's having an off day she an rely on Syd to pick up the slack or vice versa, but when they're both on fire they're unstoppable.

 

Alex's phone buzzes and she looks at her lock screen to read the message. "I'll try. (:"

 

\------------------

 

"Shit." Hope's eloquent during games.

 

"Okay, it's halftime. We're down by one." Coach isn't really amused that they're losing to Stanford. Alex isn't amused either.

 

"I need support from left mid, their left back is really freakin good." Alex grabs the gatorade bottle and drinks some as the team talks.

 

“That’s Krieger. Yale scouted her, but no go. Rumor is she followed her girlfriend to Stanford.”

 

“Enough with the rumors, just get back in the game and work your asses off.” General Hope to the rescue.

 

Alex re-adjusts her pre-wrap and jogs back onto the field. She grabs a ball and heads toward the box to shoot some penalties. She needs to get back into it. They won’t lose this game to Stanford. As Alex gets a few touches on the ball she sees Hope step into the net.

 

The game starts up again a few minutes later and Alex still isn’t having any luck against this Ali chick. She needs Karen, her left mid, to step up her game and play the ball right. Alex runs ahead after seeing Kelley take possession back and hopes that her best friend sees her sprinting. Kelley’s far enough up to get the ball to her if need be. She’s got Ali in her peripheral. Kelley’s spot on with her aim and gets Alex the ball. Alex touches it quickly and passes it to Syd who’s slightly behind her. Syd runs forward and Alex moves into the box to set herself up for Syd. Syd shoots and the ball bounces off the post, but Alex is right there and she heads it back in and the next thing she knows she’s on the ground with her sweaty teammates covering her and she hears the surprisingly large crowd cheer. They’re tied now.

 

Alex shoves everyone off of her and smiles wide. They’ve got basically the rest of the half to get ahead and the adrenaline the team is feeling won’t wear off easily. Alex glances at the bench to see if Coach has anyone warming up and looks at the person directly behind her Coach and in the stands. Her grin widens.

 

Tobin waves at Alex from the bleachers. She hadn’t planned on coming, but that text from Alex and the good mood she’s been in as of late got her walking towards the field before she knew it. They’ve got a week full of finals and they fly out together on Friday after Alex’s last one.

 

Tobin hadn’t realized how skilled Stanford’s team is. Sure, they’re ranked high, but Tobin hasn’t actually watched them, but the surprising thing is that she’s enjoying it. It doesn’t hurt right then because she’s caught up in watching Alex. She doesn’t think about her father or the way she used to play. She doesn’t think tactics or what wrong moves were being made. She just watches.

 

The rest of the game goes on and they do end up with a draw. When the final whistle is blown Tobin walks down the bleachers and waits on the side lines. She doesn’t exactly know what she’s supposed to do at this point, but she wants to talk to Alex.

 

“Ah! I’m so glad you came!” Alex breaks away from the rest of the team and runs towards Tobins. She’s excited and still running on adrenaline. Alex hugs Tobin from the excitement and Tobin doesn’t really react because she’s shocked, but after a moment she wraps her arms around Alex and holds her tight. “You did great.” Tobin says it right into Alex’s ear.

 

Alex lets go of the hug after realizing how disgusting she probably is right now and takes a step back. “Thanks.” Alex can’t stop smiling because Tobin came, she came and she stayed.

 

“Tobin?!” Tobin and Alex look to the right where the call came from. “You know her?” Alex inquires when she notices it’s Ali Krieger from the Stanford team.

 

“Woah. That’s Ali?” Tobin hasn’t seen her since she left home. She hasn’t spoken to her in that amount of time earlier. That’s what happens when you toss your phone and go without one for months.

 

When Ali reaches them Tobin’s crushed in another hug except this time Tobin’s immediate reaction is to hug back and duck her head onto Ali’s shoulder.

 

“Hi.” Ali says when she lets go of Tobin.

 

“Hey.” Tobin knows that Ali can’t be this calm. Not when she up and left without a single word. They’re just staring at eachother now. Tobin waiting for the onslaught of questions and the yelling that is sure to follow. Tobin doesn’t want a scene here though, especially not in front of Alex.

 

“Ali! C’mon!” The three of them turn around to see Ashlyn Harris, the Stanford goalkeeper motioning for Ali to follow the team off the field and onto the bus.

 

“We’re here till tomorrow night. You owe me things, Tobs.” Ali says before picking up her bag and pulling a pen out. She scribbles her number onto Tobin’s hand and hugs her again before running after her team. Tobin watches as she catches up to Ashlyn and how their hands automatically clasp together. Ashlyn sees Tobin looking and waves at her.

 

“Tobin?” Alex is lost.

 

“Yeah? Sorry.” Tobin reshits her gaze onto Alex and smiles.

 

“You know them?” Alex can’t help but feel a little out of place and maybe even a little jealous. That hug, the familiarity and not to mention the way they didn’t say much, but Alex could feel the tension. It’s just unsettling mostly.

 

“Oh, yeah. Ali and Ashlyn are....” Tobin doesn’t know what to say they are. “They’re from where I used to live.”

 

“You’re a master at being vague.”

 

“Really? Thanks, I knew going to school for it would help.”

 

Alex smiles at the joke and realizes they’ve been standing around for awhile. Most of the people have cleared off the stands and her team is scattered everywhere. “I think I should get back for the post game talk. Text me?” Alex smiles a bit and after she sees Tobin nod she starts jogging back towards her team.

 

\------------------------

 

Sunday, November 20th

 

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

 

"She left me. She left us both."

 

"Babe." Ashlyn moves herself closer to Ali and hugs her close. She saw the tears welling up in her girlfriend's eyes.

 

"It was so long ago."

 

"I know, Ali. I know."

 

"He was like a father to me too."

 

\-----------------

 

Tobin grabs her phone and hoodie and walks out her one bedroom apartment. She had texted Ali this morning about meeting for lunch today and they both decided on having something simple. So of course Tobin picks pizza. The same place that she went with Alex. It grew on her.

 

She makes her way to the pizza parlor and asks for a booth in the back area. It’s quieter and it’s got a pretty nice view. Tobin arrived about ten minutes earlier than scheduled just to get some peace before chaos breaks loose. Ali was right and she does owe her answers, she could’ve just never showed up, but Ali was there when no one else was. Ali was there when her mom couldn’t even look at her. Ali was there when she couldn’t even look at herself.

 

Tobin looks up when the bell at the front of the door rings. She sees Ali come in, thankfully alone. She wasn’t sure if Ashlyn was going to come with her or not, but she’s thankful the taller dirty blonde didn’t.

 

Tobin waves to capture Ali’s attention and the brunette walks over. “Hey.” That’s the Krieger smile.

 

“Hi.” Tobin says back.

 

“Have you ordered yet?” Ali asks politely. Tobin can already tell she’s got her guard up. When did Tobin become that person?

 

“Uhm, no. I just got here not too long ago.” Ali nods and looks at the menu. A few minutes later the waitress comes around to take their orders.

 

“Still a big fan of onions, huh?” Ali jokes after the waitress leaves.

 

“Yeah.” Tobin nods. She doesn’t know what to say. Or if she should start this conversation off. They’re just going to be dancing around it till she does.

 

“How’ve you been?” Ali leans back against the booth seat.

 

“Loaded question.” Shit, this is not how she wanted to do this. She doesn’t want to be reserved because this is Ali.

 

“Tobin.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Tobin can’t even look Ali in the eye and say it.

 

“You don’t even know what to be sorry for.” Ali isn’t going to make this easy for Tobin.

 

“For leaving.”

 

“You left without a single word.” Ali’s tone is so calm and collected it just sort of scares Tobin.

 

“I know. I’m sorry.” Tobin looks at Ali now. What does she say to make this better?

 

“Just tell me why. Please.” Ali looks away from Tobin and out the window. Tobin thinks she sees tears in those brown eyes.

 

“It was too much.” It’s a pathetic explanation and Tobin knows it, but how do you say the things that have been hidden away for over three years now?

 

Ali’s head whips back to face Tobin. There’s anger there now. “Too much? It was too much for me too! Tobin, fuck, I was with you everyday!” It comes out with so much emotion that Tobin winces and fights back the urge to just run.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“You’re sorry? You’re sorry! That’s it.” Ali’s got tears running down her face now.

 

“Don’t cry. Please.”

 

“He died! I get it! He died and he left us both, but you left me behind.”

 

“You had Ashlyn! I had a mom who couldn’t look at me and nothing but memories!” She doesn’t mean to yell. It’s just true. Ali had Ashlyn and Tobin couldn’t deal with being there.

 

“I had Ashlyn? Is that what it was? I had Ashlyn so leaving me was okay? I was that forgettable?” Tobin looks around the pizza parlor and thankfully not many people are around.

 

“No! I just knew you’d be okay.” The last few words come off dejectedly. She’s resigned. She just knew that Ali would be okay. But she needed to leave and not be a reminder to her mother and not be a disappointment. She needed to get away from the small town and the small people.

 

“I wasn’t. It’s been three years, Tobin. Yesterday was the first time in three years. At a soccer game no less?”

 

“I don’t know what else to say. You go to Stanford and I’m here at Yale. I’m sorry.”

 

“I’m tired of hearing that you’re sorry.”

 

“I am though.”

 

“Why can’t you just tell me you won’t leave again?” Ali sighs and wipes the tears off her face. She already feels exhausted.

 

“I won’t.”

 

“Promise me, Tobin.”

 

“I promise, Al.”

 

\-----------------------------------

 

“Busy?” Alex’s voice comes through breathless.

 

“No?”

 

“Cool, turn around.” Tobin holds the phone closer to her ear. She didn’t catch what Alex said.

 

“What?”

 

“Turn around!” Tobin turns around on the bench that she’s sitting at. She sees Alex waving from the other side of the park. Tobin smiles a bit and waves back. Alex jogs over and plops herself next to Tobin.

 

“Hi!”

 

“Hey.”

 

“What’re you doing here?”

 

“Reading, it’s nice out.”

 

“I was running.”

 

“I can tell.”

 

“So sarcastic, jeez.” Alex pokes Tobin.

 

“Sorry.” Tobin’s back to being all serious.

 

“It’s getting cold out. You should really go home soon.” Alex notices the light jacket that Tobin’s just got a light jacket on and that’s not exactly the best thing for the weather right now.

 

“I will, I just don’t feel like being home right now.”

 

“Are you okay?” Alex doesn’t want to push or anything, but Tobin doesn’t really look all too happy.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“You’re lying.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Let’s get coffee?”

 

“I don’t do coffee.”

 

“Who doesn’t do coffee?”

 

“People who like tea.”

 

“Oooh, you’re one of those.”

 

“You still wanna go?” Tobin smiles a little at how easy it still is to talk to Alex. Even after the shit time she had with Ali.

 

“Of course. I’ll even buy you your tea.”

 

\------------------------------

 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Friday November 24th

“Ready?” 

“Yeah, just let me load up my bags.” Tobin was sitting on the sidewalk in front of her apartment complex with one suitcase and a duffle bag when Kelley, Hope and Alex pulled up. 

They leave for Cali today. Kelley and Hope are going to Diamond Bar as well because Kelley’s family actually lives down the street from Alex. That’s how they’re such good friends. Hope’s staying with Kelley for a bit before they fly up to Seattle to visit Hope’s family. 

“Alright, we’ve got a few hours, but we can just hang at the airport.” 

“Babe, our flight connects us to JFK and then into the one near Diamond Bar, right?” Hope asks just to clarify their travel plans. Kelley’s not exactly all that organized. Her room being the main example.

“Yeah something like that.” Kelley answers and goes back to rocking to whatevers on the radio. 

\----------------

“You’re my airplane buddy.” Alex hooks her arm through Tobin’s and drags her through the connector between the airplane and the gate at the airport. 

“Are you forcing me to sit near you?” 

“Well, considering I purchased our tickets so that they’d be near each other, yes.” 

“You’re so clever.”

“Don’t act like you don’t want to be next to me.” Alex jokes back leaning into Tobin a bit.

“That’s true, who wouldn’t want your sleepy drooling face next to theirs on a plane for a couple hours?” 

“How do you know I drool?”

“You just admitted it to me.” Tobin smirks and Alex immediately shoves Tobin in the opposite direction.

“Hey! Play nice you too. We need to get you to Diamond Bar in one piece!” Kelley yells from behind them. 

Kelley smiles at the duo that’s walking into the airplane in front of her and Hope.

“Are they together yet?” Hope asks in a whisper.

“Nope.” 

“Wanna bet they will be before breaks over?” Hope and her competitive attitude. 

“My money’s on after Christmas.” 

“I think it’ll be next week. Tobin's only here for two." Kelley’s confident. She knows Alex. 

“Fine, but I’ll win. They'll get together after they've been apart.” 

“Babe, no.” Kelley kisses Hope on the cheek and runs forward to catch up with Tobin and Alex.

“You suck!” Hope calls after Kelley. Her girlfriend turns around and sticks her tongue out. “Just for you!” Hope literally facepalms at that. 

“What was that about?” Alex asks Kelley when she catches up to them.

“Oh nothing, Hope’s just being Hope.”

“You’re so weird.” Alex says to Kelley while hooking her arm back with Tobin’s. 

“Shut up, are you excited to go back?” Kelley asks Alex. Their families have always been close.

“Yeah! Should be fun. I miss the warm.” 

“How about you, Tobin? Excited to meet the Morgans. They’re pretty insane. You can come hide at my house if they drive you nuts.” 

“Woah! You didn’t tell me they were insane, Lex.” The nickname slipped out before Tobin could catch herself. Alex just smiles wide and responds; “Well, you’ve met me...and I am their child.”

\------------------------

“Alex!” 

“Mom!”

“Kelley!”

“Momma M!”

“Kelley!”

“Main Momma!” 

Hope and Tobin stand on the side watching as the scene unfolds. There’s bunch of squealing and Tobin sees two older women who she assumes are Alex and Kelley’s moms. 

“Do you think they’ll stop yelling soon?” 

“Nope.” Tobin can’t help but laugh at Hope’s attitude. It’s growing on her.

"You scared?” Tobin asks Hope while she looks at Kelley hug the woman Tobin assumes is her mother and Alex does the same with hers. 

“Of?” Hope inquires while staring at the interaction in front of them.

“Meeting her parents.” 

“Oh. No?” Hope isn’t really one to get nervous about things like this, but then again it’s Kelley and this is really the first time she’s ever felt like getting to know anyone on this level. 

“Mom, this is Hope, my girlfriend.” Kelley moves to stand beside Hope and gauges her mom’s reaction. The older woman looks at Hope for a moment and then opens her arms wide to engulf Hope in a hug. “Hi!” Hope hugs back awkwardly. 

“Nice to meet you, Mrs.O’Hara.” 

“Oh no, call me mom. Everyone calls me mom.” 

“It’s true, I even call her mom.” Alex chirps in. 

“We should head out!” Alex’s mom says as she looks at her watch. 

\---------------------------

“Diamond Bar is pretty small.” Tobin says as they drive into the town.

“Oh yeah. Growing up here was a drag.” Alex responds.

“You loved it here.” Alex’s mom, who Tobin’s been told repeatedly during this car ride to call Pam, tells them both from the drivers seat.

“I did, but it’s so small.” Alex responds back. She absolutely loves New Haven. She loves the weather and the people and the way she can get lost in a crowd easily. 

“I get that.” Tobin replies back quietly. 

After a few more minutes Pam pulls the car into the driveway of a two story house. “Welcome to the Morgan household.” 

“It’s really nice.” Tobin smiles at the atypical American home. “Here, I’ll help you take your stuff up.” Alex grabs Tobin’s duffell along with her suitcase and begins the trek up the driveway and into the house. “You’re staying in the guest room across from my bedroom.” Alex plops open the door and shows Tobin where everything is in the room. “Bathroom is at the end of the hall. Wanna see my room?” Tobin just nods and follows Alex across the hall. 

"You're not allowed to judge." Alex says before opening her door. "Cross my heart." Tobin replies. 

Alex opens her door and they both enter. Tobin takes in the pale blue walls and the bed in one corner. She looks at the wall opposite the bed and sees small trophies and certificates that she's sure Alex has accumulated over the years. On the desk on the adjecent wall are pictures of Alex as a child and some of her and Kelley. Tobin smiles at the image of a young Alex. 

"So?" Alex pokes Tobin in the rib. 

"I expected pink and teddy bears." 

"Jerk." Alex says back playfully before moving over to sit on her bed. 

"You've got a lot of accolades." 

"Cause I'm a superstar." 

"Ever heard of modesty?"

"Nope not at all." Alex laughs at Tobin's face when she says that. It's nice to not have any awkward instances. "Oh hey, my dad's picking up my sister from the airport later tonight. So I think we're all having dinner." 

"Okay cool. What's your older sister like?" 

"She's old." Alex laughs. She doesn't really know how to describe Kate. "She's engaged. Older. Stable career great life. We're kinda close." 

"That's nice. That you guys are close-ish." Tobin sits next to Alex on the bed and lays back. Her arms folded to rest behind her head. 

"Do you have any siblings?" Alex inquires. She wants to know more about Tobin. 

"Uh. No." Tobin responds back. Alex doesn't say anything because that's not really a conversation building response. Tobin feels bad for not giving Alex more information about herself. It's harder than it seems. She's been on her own for awhile now. But she needs to start trying because Alex is here and Tobin's not going to be the cause of her own loneliness anymore. "Ali and I grew up together though. That's how she knew me the other day." 

"Oh. I was wondering about that." 

"Oh?" Tobin questions back. 

Alex lays back so that she's parallel to Tobin. 

"Is it a surprise to you that I actually would like to know things about you?" Okay Alex knows that came off as pretty standoffish and that's not how she meant it, but honestly it's true. Tobin acts like she doesn't want to know things. Maybe she is that oblivious. 

"I'm sorry." Is all Tobin replies with. 

"No look, just I don't know. Tell me something about you?" Alex hopes she can fix this. She can already feel Tobin pulling away. 

"Like what?" 

“Anything.” 

“That’s really broad.” 

“Tobin.” 

“Ask me a question.” 

“Fine.” Alex shuts her eyes and contemplates if she should ask something serious or something simple. She’s so curious about everything. Honestly, when she thinks about it, she barely knows anything about Tobin and she wants to know everything there is. 

“Tell me about Ali.” 

“Hmm. Like what?”

“Seriously?” Alex grabs the pillow and hits Tobin with it square in the face.

“Stop! Fine!” Tobin smiles. “Well, we grew up together. In a small town like this. Actually, a lot like you and Kelley did.” Tobin closes her eyes and shuffles herself up and sits so she’s leaning against the wall that the bed is parallel to. Alex does the same. 

“Wow, that’s actually pretty cool.” Alex didn’t know they had similarities like that.

“Yeah. We knew each other through...” Tobin pauses. She met Ali through soccer. Back in preschool her dad signed her up and was even their coach. Ali was on that team. “...soccer.” 

Alex noticed the hesitation at the end of Tobin’s sentence. That’s probably the most she’s ever heard Tobin say about her past, then again she’s only known her for like a week. Most people don’t hesitate to spill their guts. That’s how Tobin’s different. In the one week Alex has known the older girl she’s only learned the personality quirks not the things that led to them. Those are the things that Alex wants to know. 

“I’ve been playing since preschool too.” Alex tries to draw the attention from Tobin to herself. “Look.” Alex gets Tobin’s attention and points to the small little soccer ball medal at the top of her memories wall. The one with all the trophies and accolades. “Got that when my preschool team beat the other team. I was the one who scored too.” Alex smiles and continues. “My mom says I stole the ball from my own teammate, but whatever.” Tobin laughs at the image of a litlle Alex stealing the ball and going for the goal. 

“That’s hilarious.” 

“You can stop laughing now. I mean I know I’m competitive, but still.” Tobin continues to laugh and Alex feels her bed shake. That laugh is contagious and before she knows it she’s laughing too. 

\---------------

Saturday November 25th. 

“Okay, so want to surf today?” Alex walks into Tobin’s room to see her still sprawled on the bed in boxers and a t-shirt. The boxers are really cute though.

“Mpmh?” 

“Tobin, you have to move your head away from the pillow so I can hear you.”

“Mphmph. Sure.” 

“Okay, I know with the timezones you’re like dead, but get up.”

“Noooooo.” Tobin whines when she’s tired. That’s cute too. 

Alex walks into the room more and contemplates her next move. 

“Are you gonna get up now?” 

“Noooooo.” 

“You asked for it.” Alex jumps onto the bed and starts jumping up and down nonstop. 

“Oh my gosh, you’re five.” Tobin yells at Alex.

“Get. Up.” Alex is having too much fun with this. Plus Tobin better get up soon otherwise her mom is going to come up and yell at her.

“FINE!” Tobin literally throws herself off the bed. “Satisfied?” 

“Yes.” Alex hops off the bed and throws grabs a pillow. She walks towards the door to leave, but not before throwing the pillow directly in Tobin’s face. 

“You’re dead Morgan!” 

\------------------------------

Alex and Tobin are currently sitting on the beach after a couple hours of surfing. “I didn’t know you could surf.” 

“Well, actually. I lived in Jersey. So we had the Shore, but I used to travel a bit and surf in different areas.” 

“Not bad for an East Coaster.” Alex smirks at the little joke.

“Shut up.” Tobin picks some sand up and throws it Alex’s midriff. 

“Okay, sand is literally the herpes of the sea. Not cool.” 

“You’re hurting the sands feelings. Apologize.” Alex looks at Tobin like she’s grown a second head. Then Alex hears a ringing and reaches behind them for the tote bag she brought. She digs through the large bag and sees that it’s actually Tobin’s phone ringing. “It’s yours.” Alex tosses the phone over to Tobin who looks at the screen and frowning. She picks it up anyways.

“Hello?” 

“Tobin.” 

“Yeah, okay this is getting really old.” Tobin waits a bit for the person, the female on the other end of the line to say something. 

“Hello? Please stop calling.” Tobin’s about to hang up the phone when she hears, “It’s me.” Tobin just stares at the phone in her hand and that voice sounded so haunted. “It’s mom.” Tobin drops the phone immediately.

“Tobin? Are you okay?” 

“No.” Tobin can’t blink away the tears that immediately appear in her eyes. 

“Woah.” Alex doesn’t know what to do in this situation, but she’s 99.9 percent sure that Tobin doesn’t want to be in public right now or even talk to Alex about it. Alex starts packing up and when she’s done Tobin’s still sitting there staring at her phone that sits on the towel beneath her. 

“Hey? Let’s head home.” Alex puts her hand out for Tobin to grab and Tobin does. Alex leaves her hand in Tobin’s just to give some sort of comfort. They walk to the car and Alex begins to drive them back.

Alex drives back quietly without asking Tobin another question. She knows the situation right now is fragile despite not knowing much about Tobin's past. She heard, "mom" before Tobin completely dropped the phone. The reaction in itself tells Alex that she needs to do whatever she can for Tobin. 

When they arrive back at the Alex's house Tobin goes straight up to her room and shuts the door. Alex goes into her room leaving the door open incase Tobin wants to come in later and lays on her bed. What should she do? They were having such a good morning. 

She picks up her phone and fiddles around with some apps before deciding to text Kelley. 'Hey, help.' Okay, that text was a bit dramatic, but whatever. It's sad that Tobin's mood effects hers so dramatically. When did she begin to care for people so much?

In actuality though Alex know it's not people, it's just Tobin. She won't even begin to try to wrap her head around why or how that's happened. Her phone buzzes. 'Is everything okay?' 

'I don't know.' Alex texts back. She doesn't want to freak Kelley out or anything. She just feels so uneasy right now. Her phone buzzes almost immediately 'Should I come over?' Alex thinks about it for a few minutes. It reminds her of how they were back in high school. Sneaking over to each others house whenever something was wrong. Eating junk food and just distracting each other from all the problems that surround them.

Alex grabs her phone and texts Kelley back quickly, 'I think you just solved my problem. You think the candy store is still open?' Alex shoot the text off and grabs some sweatpants and her keys. She steps out of her room and shuts it quietly. She tiptoes over to Tobin's room ad listens. When she doesn't hear anything she sneaks out the house and hops in her car. 

It's only about 4 in the afternoon so the candy store around the corner should still be open. It's a five minute drive and when Alex pulls up she literally runs in and grabs some if her favorite and then decides to actually just buy like everything since she doesn't know Tobin's preference. When Alex gets to the cashier she literally just dumps everything on the counter and hands over her credit card. She bouncing around on her feet and doesn't even look at how much it costs. In another minute or so Alex was was running back into her car. 

Alex is literally so excited she makes the ride back home in three minutes instead of five. Bad driving, but whatever. She got a lady at home that needs some cheering up. 

Alex grabs the bags of candy and sneaks back into the house. She tiptoes up the stairs and sees her room door still open. Alex moves along the corridor and hopes that Tobin's still in the guest room.

She's got no such luck. 

"Oh hi." Alex says when she turn into her room and sees Tobin sitting on the floor leaning against her bed. "Hey." Tobin's face is solemn. 

"I think we should eat candy." Alex literally throws the bags of candy in front of Tobin. She doesn't bring up what happened earlier just sort throws the candy and plops herself down on the floor next to her. She grabbed the bag closest to her and dumps out the candy within. 

"Twizzlers? Skittles? Dum Dums?" Alex offers each one to Tobin and Tobin just has this look on her face. "Okay I like emptied out that store. You have to like something in one of these bags." Alex continues to empty out the bags she had brought until Tobin finally grabbed one. "Twix? Really?" Tobin just shrugs and opens it up. 

"Movie?" Alex asks while opening up the twizzler a from earlier. She grabs her laptop that's sitting on her bed and opens it up. She opens a tab and goes to Netflix. She picks the first movie on there and sets the laptop in between them. 

Alex ended up picking Bring It On the original. She smiles when she hears Tobin laugh about fifteen minutes in. Alex automatically smiles. 

All she wanted to do was make Tobin feel a bit better. 

\-------------------

The movie ends and almost all the candy is gone. "I feel sick." 

"You bought way too much."

"I didn't know what you liked." Alex lays herself flat on the floor, stomach down. Tobin copies her a moment later. 

"Thanks, Alex." Tobin mutters it and Alex takes a moment or two to actually interpret what was being said. 

"You don't have to thank me." 

"I do." Tobin says. Alex can’t help but think that no, Tobin doesn’t. Alex is honestly overjoyed just sitting here with Tobin. She knows that she’s deeply invested in the other girl now, more than before and that can’t be changed. Alex has only ever felt what it was like to love someone deeply once before and this is different. This is feels quick and hurried, but it’s not a blur. Alex knows she’s falling and maybe it’s a bit more like an infatuation right now, but she’s hooked. More than anything she just wants Tobin happy. 

"We don't have to talk about it." Alex says back. She doesn't want to force Tobin or make her feel as though she owes her anything. 

Tobin lays there with her eyes closed. She called Ali when she got back. It just seemed like she'd be the only person to understand and Tobin's been alone for so long it felt out of character for her to call for help, but her mother just called her and spoke to her for the first time in over three years. She spoke to Ali briefly mostly because Tobin just didn't know what to do with herself. More than that, she was having a good day. She went surfing with Alex. She literally hasn't been thinking about anything critical since she stepped on that plane. It was nice, but reality just slapped her in the face. 

Ali knew her before, Professor P knows her as she's grown through college, but maybe Alex is the person she needs now. She's different and a week ago she hesitated in even talking to someone like Alex. A week ago she still freaked out over seeing a soccer game. In one week she's opened up more to Alex then she has to anyone in so long. Maybe it's just timing. 

"I left home before college. Like left without anything except a bag of clothes and some cash." Tobin flips over so that she's laying on her back and staring at the ceiling. "I attend Yale thanks to many scholarships and grants and a lot of working during the summer." Alex turns on her side to look at Tobin. She doesn't say a word and allows Tobin to continue at her own pace. 

"Earlier, at the beach, my mom called." Tobin's voice wavers. She doesn't want to cry in front of Alex. That's not the kind of person she is. "We haven't spoken since before I left for Yale." 

Alex doesn't really know what to say in response to that. It's kind of a huge deal and now Alex sees why Tobin seems so timid most times. Actually she realizes how lucky she is that Tobin's even telling her this. She still doesn't know what to say so she just lays there with the other girl. 

"I'm sorry." Tobin doesn't like doing this. The whole unloading thing.

"Don't be." Déjà vu. "Honestly, I'm glad you're talking to me about it. That means a lot." Alex smiles and pokes Tobin on the side. "You're pretty amazing. I don't think you even realize it." 

"You've only known me for a week." Compliments and Tobin don't go well together.

"And in a week I've become hopelessly curious." 

"You're insane." Tobin's beginning to think that she wrong earlier. it's not that she hasn't opened up to anyone in a while and that Alex is conveniently there and it's the right time, but rather; it's Alex. Alex is unique. She's patient and funny. She cares despite how little she knows and how sketchy Tobin could've been. So Alex is insane. Insane for inviting Tobin over and insane for reaching out like this. 

"That's okay. We can be insane together." 

\-------------


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 

Tuesday November 28th

 

“How do you think they’re doing?” Kelley throws her arm over Hope’s midsection and cuddles closer. She hasn’t spoken to Alex since Saturday. She’s been pretty preoccupied.

 

“I don’t know.” Hope’s content where she is now. They’ve only been in Diamond Bar one full day, but all they’ve really done is hang around Kelley's childhood home and eat, which is actually the best thing ever.

 

Hope turns onto her side so that she’s laying face to face with Kelley. “You okay?” Kelley asks softer than before. Hope nods and hums quietly in response. Kelley tangles her legs with Hope’s and kisses the other girl’s bare shoulder.

 

“Happy one month.” Kelley knows that’s dumb because they’re both like twenty and who celebrates month-a-versaries? But Hope’s special and they both need this more than anything. The time away to get to know more about each other. Yeah, it started off with a one night stand, but Kelley’s smitten and she knows that it can’t be one sided. Fucking carelessly turned into something more a while ago.

 

Hope kisses Kelley’s forehead and pulls the blanket over them both so it acts like a shield protecting them from the outside world. “I want food.” Kelley’s always hungry. “You’re always hungry.” And Hope knows Kelley.

 

“I know. Wanna grab something to eat with Tobin and Alex?" Kelley doesn't actually want to move, but they've stayed holed up alone here for too long and she has to show Hope around eventually.

 

"Yeah, sure." Kelley doesn't make a move to get up or anything though. Instead she kisses Hope and holds her close.

 

“Do you ever regret the night we met?” Hope asks Kelley. Kelley thinks it’s insecurity that’s showing through in Hope right now, but that’s uncharacteristic. Hope’s not one to show any sort of vulnerability. She’s strong, she’s the wall that everyone leans on. Kelley’s been finding cracks since they fell into bed together that first drunken night.

 

“No, I don’t.” For now Kelley will just assure her girlfriend that everything’s alright and hope that her words are believable because Hope’s special and it takes a different kind of person to get through to her. Kelley’s trying with all she has to be that person.

 

\---------------

 

Friday December 1st

 

“Pizza. Again?” Alex has had enough of pizza. It sounds impossible, but it’s not. Not at all.

 

“Stop judging me.” Kelley likes her pizza.

 

“I can’t.”

 

“It has an arcade though, Lex.”

 

“Yeah, Alex, it has an arcade.” Tobin points to the back room of the pizza place.

 

“This place is like Chuck E. Cheese for adults.” Hope laughs at the way Kelley frowns at her.

 

“That place is great.”

 

It’s been a week since they all arrived in Diamond Bar and so far they’ve done ate pizza, gone surfing, watched movies, walked around town, biked to the beach, ate more pizza, ate more candy, and slept. Productive. Tobin’s gotten a lot more comfortable.

 

“Wait, is there a whack-a-mole?” Tobin literally looks like she’s about to jump out of her seat.

 

“Probably. What kind of arcade doesn’t have one?” Hope’s not one for games, but she’s competitive so this is kind of her thing. “Race ya there.” And then Hope’s running to the back room and Tobin’s following.

 

“Well, I think we just got ditched.”

 

“Yeah. But, how’s it been going with Hope? Been here for a week now.” Alex grabs her orange soda and takes a sip.

 

“Actually, really well. She gets along with the family.”

 

“That’s good, so mama O’hara gives her approval?”

 

“Well, she said that we should come out of my room more, but y’know...”

 

Alex laughs and nearly spits her soda out. “Gross.”

 

“Shut up, I know you and Tobin have been spending more time together.”

 

“Well we have been here a week...and she only knows us...duh.”

 

“Don’t play stupid, Lex.” Kelley throughs an onion ring at Alex.

 

“Don’t throw things!”

 

“But seriously, how’s everything with Tobin going?”

 

“It’s going, just y’know. She’s different.” Alex doesn’t really know how to explain to Kelley how things are going. They’re just sort of moving forward. Some days she learns something so profound about Tobin, but the next it’s just another day that they spend together, but they’re great nonetheless.

 

“Do you like her?”

 

“Aren’t you forward today.”

 

“Call me forward Kelley, but seriously, do you?”

 

“I guess so, yeah.”

 

“Little Alex is smitten.”

 

“Shut up, how are you and Hope?”

 

“I told you, we’re pretty great.”

 

“So, serious or not?”

 

“I don’t know. She’s as special as Tobin. Like it takes something in me to get through to her. Worth it though. Completely.”

 

“Kelley, Tobin’s cheating!” Alex and Kelley look at the back area and walk over.

 

“Really, Hope?” Tobin’s voice is heard almost immediately after.

 

When Alex and Kelley find Tobin and Hope they’re both playing skee ball. But Hope is literally stealing Tobin’s balls. “Hope!” Alex laughs at the two twenty one year olds playing so competitively.

 

“Step aside.” Alex takes Tobin’s spot and puts in the tokens needed. I’m going to avenge you.

 

Tobin smiles and just goes to standing next to Kelley.

 

The next hour is spent playing skee ball. Probably over 50 bucks, tons of shoving, lots of yelling, and a defeated Kelley and Hope later, Tobin and Alex come out triumphant. And they got Hope and Kelley to pay for the tab.

 

Score.

 

Monday December 4th

 

“Can we not get pizza this time.” Alex whines from the backseat.  They had pizza again on Tuesday.

 

“I’m drivin. I decide.” Kelley’s not actually in the mood for pizza she’s just in the mood to make Alex mad. They’re all in Kelley’s car, actually it’s Kelley’s mom because hers it back at Yale, trying to get something to eat since it’s almost two in the afternoon.

 

“Hope. Can you get her to go somewhere else?” Alex knows it’s completely unfair to ask Hope since Kelley’s decidedly whipped.

 

“Babe, let’s go get Chinese.” Kelley glares at Alex through the rearview mirror and sighs. She mumbles a “fine.” And Alex automatically makes the “whpshhhhh” sound that imitates a whip, which just earns her another glare.

 

“Sweet, Chinese food!” Tobin sticks her tongue out at Kelley and goes along with whatever Alex is doing because it’s hilarious.

 

“I’m going to ask them to spit in both of your dishes.” Kelley’s slightly serious.

 

“Shut up, O’hara.” Alex responds while laughing. Kelley learned Chinese back in like the tenth grade, but she’s terrible at it.

 

After they order and Tobin surprisingly schools the three of them on how to use chopsticks Alex asks, “What’re you guys doing later?”

 

“I think I’m going to take Hope to the beach and maybe just walk around. Wanna join?” Alex looks at Tobin for confirmation and when Tobin nods she just says, “sure.”

 

“Drive your own car though.”

 

“No, I think we need to cock-block.”

 

“No cock to block.” Kelley’s got that stupid smirk. The one she gets when she thinks she’s winning.

 

“Shut up.” Alex doesn’t need to hear this.

 

“Don’t stand between me and my sex drive.”

 

“Babe, shut up.” Hope doesn’t mind and all, but it’s getting pretty crude at that point. Tobin’s caught on to the dynamic and makes the whipping sound when Kelley shuts up.

 

She gets an automatic high five from Alex.

 

\------------------------

 

Alex doesn’t know where anything is in her own home anymore. “Mom! Seriously?” So she’s been running around trying to find stuff for later tonight, but it’s been hopeless. Her sister helped her find all the surfing stuff yesterday.

 

“Alex, we really don’t need anything.” Tobin calls from the top of the stairs.

 

“Eh. Hush.” She's determined.  

 

"Are you driving?" Tobin's going to distract Alex. She's been trying to find things for like three hours now. Since they got back from eating at 3:30ish. They have to leave at 8.

 

"Uh, yeah. I think Kelley would kill me otherwise."  

 

"That'd be a sight to see."

 

"Shut up, Heath."

 

"Let's go, Morgan."

 

"Fine, whatever."

 

Alex grabs her sisters keys and they head out to the front. Her sisters car is a convertible and that's always a fun ride. It's already dark out because of the shorter days, but it's a beautiful night. The air is crisp and its not too cold.

 

It takes them about a half hour to get to the beach since its night time and there's no traffic.

 

When they arrive at the beach Kelley and Hope are already there waiting on the hood of their ride. Alex parks right next to them.

 

"Took you long enough."

 

"Shut up, Kels."

 

"Alex, you really need to stop telling people to shut up."

 

"You're supposed to be on my side, traitor." Alex glares at Tobin.

 

"Hah." Hope likes the way everyone interacts. She's never had a friend group like this.

 

"Are you guys just gonna walk around?" Tobin asks Kelley and Hope.

 

"Uhm." Kelley looks at Hope. "Yeah, probably."

 

"Okay, cool." Alex drags Tobin towards the sandy shoreline. "Go ahead. I promise not to cock block." Alex calls back earning a laugh from both Tobin and Kelley.

 

As they approach the shoreline Alex lets go of Tobin’s arm and runs towards the water. “It’s gorgeous.” Tobin says it before actually realizing what she means, but honestly, the beach after dark, the smell of salt water, the cool breeze, the moon hanging in the sky above them, and Alex’s company, it’s a gorgeous night.

 

“I know.” Alex calls back. She takes off her sandals off away from the rising tide and rolls up her jeans. “Come on!” She calls back to Tobin who is only a couple yards away.”Fine!” Tobin runs to catch up with Alex and does the same thing with her shoes and jeans.

 

“Oh my god, it’s actually really warm.” Alex stands right where the tide comes up and watches as it rises to touch her feet and then pulls back into the expansive ocean. Tobin comes up right next to Alex shoulder to shoulder they stand and watch the tide rise and fall.

 

“Look, the moon’s never bigger than your thumb.” Alex’s arm is extended in front of her face and her right eye is squinted to look at the moon. Tobin does the same. “That’s cool.” Alex lets her arm fall back to her side and looks at Tobin who’s still looking at the moon.

 

Alex looks down at Tobin’s free right hand and interlaces their fingers. Tobin looks down at their hands after Alex does that and just smiles.

 

“The tide’s getting higher.” Tobin says as she realizes that the water is now getting very close to reaching her jeans.

 

“Oh.” Alex starts walking backwards, Tobin following her lead.

 

The younger girl sits them down a yard or two away from the water. She borrows her feet into the sand. “It’s so nice out.” Tobin says as she observes the scene before her.

 

“Yeah, it is. I used to do this all the time during high school. When things got rough.” Tobin turns her head to look at Alex. “It seems like this would be the perfect getaway.” Alex hums in response and starts grabbing sand with her free hand.

 

“Let’s play a game.”

 

“Okay, what game?”

 

“Twenty questions.”

 

“Oh no, you’re going to pry information out of me.” Alex laughs at the dramatic side Tobin just opened up.

 

“Oh hush, it’s fun.”

 

“Okay, fine.”

 

“I’ll ask first?” Alex receives a nod from Tobin.

 

“Favorite candy?” Alex asks only because Tobin ate like all of them with Alex the other night. Which was awesome, but she’d like to know so she doesn’t end up buying a whole store next time.

 

“I actually love sour patch kids.”

 

“Huh, those commercials are too true. Okay your turn to ask.”

 

“Favorite drink?”

 

“Coffee.”

 

“Gross, bad habits.” Tobin gets a little bit of sand thrown at her in response. “No need to get violent!”

 

“Whatever, Tobin. Hmm, tell me about your hometown.”

 

“It was small, I lived in New Jersey, and it was pretty lame.” Tobin’s answer is as vague as possible. Alex wants more, but doesn’t know how to go about that without Tobin closing up. “Hmm, tell me about a time when you came here.” Alex closes her eyes and tries to think back to high school.

 

“I tore my ACL. When I was recovering, after PT I’d come here every night and just sit on the hood of my car and try to distress. Soccer is everything I have, I didn’t know what to do with myself when I couldn’t play.”

 

Tobin squeezes Alex hand. “You made it through. You’re incredible at it.” Alex moves their interlaced hand so that they’re resting on her abdomen.

 

“Thanks. So, what’s your favorite color?”

 

“Blue. What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?”

 

“Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. Yours?”

 

“Actually, the same.” Alex smiles at the response. “You have to ask me a question now.”

 

“I’m thinking!” Tobin leans onto Alex’s shoulder.

 

“Are you cold?”

 

“Really? That’s your question?”

 

“Alex, answer it. You can’t answer with a question.”

 

“No, it’s actually nice out.”

 

“Okay, now it’s your turn.”

 

“You suck. Uhm, are you happy you came with me?”

 

Tobin digs her feet into the sand and curls her toes. It’s cold, but it feels really nice. She’s stalling on her answer.

 

“I am. I think it’s the best decision I’ve made in a long time.” Alex is looking at Tobin directly, but Tobin’s just staring at the water.

 

“I’m glad you did too.”

 

“You know, I was just gonna stay at Yale and work for a bit. Try to save up some extra cash.”

 

“That’s boring, see, now I’m extra glad you came.”

 

“Thank you for asking. Honestly, winter isn’t a good time for me.” Alex raises an eyebrow at that. That’s probably the biggest opening she’s ever had to question Tobin. She’s going to take it. “Why not?”

 

“It’s just stressful. It’s also my turn to ask you.” Well, good try, Alex.

 

“Ask away.”

 

“Worst fear?”

 

“This is cheesy and it sounds like an answer someone would give to make them seem like I don’t know. But, my worst fear is that I grow up and end up alone. I want to make someone happy.”

 

“You will.” Tobin look at alex and unlaces their fingers. She puts her arm around Alex shoulder instead. “I don’t think anyone could turn you away.”

 

“My turn. You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, but has your mom called back since?”

 

“Oh, uhm, no.” Tobin stretches her legs out. “She hasn’t.”

 

“Are you okay though?”

 

“Yeah, actually. It just caught me off guard.” Tobin realizes that today’s December first. The fifteenth is coming up.

 

“Good.” Alex just is just happy Tobin seemed okay answering it.

 

“I think it’s my turn to ask you.”

 

“Mhm.”

 

“Favorite movie?”

 

“Any chick flick, ever.” Tobin laughs.

 

“Okay, my turn, what’s your favorite Holiday?”

 

“Actually, it used to be Christmas.”  

 

“Me too.” Alex picked up on the ‘used to’ but avoids it because the conversation has been pretty heavy tonight already. There’s only so much a person can take at once.

 

“Next question.”

 

“Ow!” Alex got hit in the head with a frisbee. “You choose tonight to have good aim?”

 

“Biiiiiitch. I found it in my car.”  Kelley and Hope walk up in front of them and sit down.

 

“She also found alcohol. So here.” Hope tosses each of them a bottle of beer.

 

“Cool.” Alex opens up her bottle using her key and grabs Tobin’s to open.

 

“How was your walk?”

 

"Fantastic.” Alex thinks that Kelley’s probably already drunk.

 

“What did you guys do?” Hope’s got a stomach of steel.

 

“Twenty questions.”

 

“That’s sooooo middle school.”

 

“Shut up, Kels.”

 

\-----------------

 

“I can’t believe we were out till three am.”

 

Alex and Tobin snuck back into the house like they were still in high school and had a curfew.

 

“Tonight was fun.”

 

“Yeaaaah.” Okay, one beer doesn’t even make Alex tispy, just a bit more fun.

 

“C’mon.” Alex drags Tobin up the stairs.

 

“Gooood night!” Alex hugs Tobin and turns to go into her room.

 

“Night Alex.”

 

Alex walks into her room and shuts the door behind her. She changes into her favorite soffes and t-shirt and crawls into bed. She hooks her charger up to the plug in her nightstand and sets her alarm for ten am tomorrow. It’s already 3:30 am.

 

Alex stares at her ceiling for a bit. It’s late and she’s tired, but it’s been such a long night. She’s still on a bit of a high from all the fun they had and she’s still sort of amazed that she learned so many new things about Tobin. She stares at her ceiling and out the window for another twenty or so minutes before she picks her phone up again.

 

3:55 am.

 

Her phone starts buzzing in her hand, Alex picks up the phone and smiles. “Hi.”

 

“I couldn’t sleep.”

 

“Me either.”

 

“I’m tired though.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“Come over?”

 

Alex waits a few seconds and hears shuffling on the other end. Within another few seconds Alex’s door opens and a sliver of light creeps into the room. So does Tobin. Alex hangs up the phone and holds her blanket open.

 

“G’night, Tobin.” Alex mumbles.

 

\-----------------------

 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 

Tuesday December 5th

 

“Alex, do you want anything to...” Liz’s voice drops off when she opens the door to see Alex and Tobin in bed together. She backs up and shuts the door quietly. Liz walks back downstairs to the kitchen and approaches her mom. “Don’t think they’ll be up anytime soon. Just make the chocolate chip pancakes.”

 

“Oh, okay. Can you call Kelley and see if she’d want some? I haven’t spoken to her much. Her mom says she’s been holed up with Hope.”

 

“Alright, I’ll text her.” Liz goes to the living room to find her phone. She’s been back in Diamond Bar for a week now, same as Alex, but she hasn’t had much time to catch up with her sister. She met Tobin that first night during dinner, but the girl pretty much kept to herself. That scene upstairs was pretty surprising, they were clothed, but just the closeness. Tobin holding Alex, Alex’s face tucked into the crook of Tobin’s neck. That was intimate, but they were asleep so who knows.

 

Liz checks her phone and sees that Kelley texted back saying they’d be right over. “Mom! They’re coming over like now.”

 

“Oh, okay. Can you come help?”

 

“Yeah!” Liz walks back into the kitchen and starts grabbing plates and utensils. The front door opens, “Hey momma M!” Kelley has always been loud. Liz has missed her. “Lizzy!” Liz is literally knocked off her feet from Kelley picking her up in a bear hug. “Nice to see you too, Kel.”

 

“Oh, this is Hope!” Kelley lets go of Liz and introduces Hope. “Momma M, you made choco chip pancakes. You’re the best.” Kelley goes over to Alex and Liz’s mom to give her a kiss on the cheek.

 

“Kelley, can you go drag Alex out of bed.”

 

“Anything for the woman who makes me pancakes. Babe, you should learn from her.” Kelley winks and jogs out the room and up the stairs to see Alex.

 

“Ooooh Leeeeex!” Kelley swings the door open wide and jumps into the room. She turns to look at Alex’s bed and sees that Tobin’s there too. Kelley sees Alex move a bit, but neither wake up. “Sly dog.” Kelley murmurs under her breath. She contemplates the pros and cons of waking the two up, but decides to leave them be. They stayed out late last night and she doesn’t always want to annoy Alex, despite it being fun.

 

Kelley walks back downstairs and into the kitchen. “Sorry no such luck Momma M.”

 

“Did you see what I saw?” Liz asks when Kelley sits herself down at one side of the table. “Yup.” Liz smiles.

 

“Are they even together?” Liz feels bad that she doesn’t know the answer to that, but Kelley’s like her sister as well.

 

“Nope.” Kelley’s staring at Hope who’s helping Alex’s mom make the pancakes. It’s terribly cute.

 

“Kelley.” Liz snaps her fingers in front of Kelley’s face and sticks her tongue out. “You on the other hand, you’re so gone.” Kelley can’t believe that she’s been in Liz’s presence for like two minutes and she’s already caught onto the nature of her and Hope’s relationship; actually it’s more like how she feels about Hope.

 

“Babe, here.” Hope holds out of plate of pancakes and Kelley immediately refocuses to eating. Because food.

 

\-----------------

 

Alex blinks. She could’ve sworn she just heard Kelley’s voice.

 

It’s warm.

 

Her senses start to catch up with her consciousness and she feels a weight on her midsection. She looks down and realizes it’s Tobin’s arm. Tobin’s head is also resting on her shoulder. Tobin’s completely curled in to fit Alex’s right side.

 

Alex doesn’t want to move. She looks at her nightstand and realizes that it’s already almost one in the afternoon. She groans.

 

“Hmmm?” Tobin moves a bit and mumbles into Alex’s shoulder. “Sorry, go back to sleep.” Alex whispers back. “What time is it?”

 

“It’s like ten till one.”

 

“Oh.” Tobin grabs the blanket and tugs it up above her face. “Wait, pancakes?” Tobin’s head pops back out from the blanket. Alex laughs because Tobin tired is her favorite thing.

 

“Yeah, I think my mom made some.” Alex smiles at the way Tobin just nuzzles in closer and says, “Okay, pancakes in ten.” Alex just nods and tightens her hold on Tobin.

 

\-----------------

 

Thursday December 7th

 

Tobin is sitting on the floor of the guest room. She’s got her laptop propped on her lap and her headphones in listening to a couple mixes she put together before she left New Haven. It’s three in the evening and Ali texted her earlier to ask if they could skype around 3:00ish. Now Tobin’s just waiting for the call.

 

Her music fades and the skype tones start to ring. Tobin clicks the green button and sees Ali’s face pop up. “Hey!” Ali waves at Tobin.

 

“Hi!” Tobin smiles and waves back.

 

“How are you?” Ali’s in a good mood and that just makes Tobin feel a lot more comfortable. This is the one relationship she wants to salvage and Ali deserves that.

 

“I’m good.”

 

“Where are you?” Ali leans closer to her computer and squints trying to decipher the background.

 

“Oh, I’m at Alex’s house. Guest bedroom.”

 

“Alex huh?” Ali winks suggestively and it’s all fun and games right now.

 

“You with Ashlyn?” Tobin changes the subject. She doesn’t want to explain her growing friendship with Alex to Ali.

 

“Yup.”

 

“Sweet, tell her I say hi.”

 

“I will.”

 

“So, how’ve you been, like actually. You seem happier than you were when I saw you.”

 

“Yeah, I’ve been good.” Tobin says it and actually means it. She has been doing well. She’s spent the last two weeks with Alex and it’s been eye-opening. She hasn’t trusted anyone like she thinks she can trust Alex since Ali and Professor P, but even that’s different. Alex doesn’t ask for anything in return. “How are you though?”

 

“Good. Better. I’m glad you’re back, Tobs.” Tobin knows Ali means back in her life.

 

“I’m sorry, Al.”

 

“It’s over now. We’re okay.” Ali smiles and Tobin can’t help but feel lucky. Everything seems to finally be getting better for her. Before she was just content to be how she was, alone. Now she has people around her. It’s a change she’s slowly opening herself up to.

 

“Tobin?”

 

“Mhm?”

 

“Has she called again?” Ali has to ask. Despite everything her and Tobin have gone through, and their recent reunion starting off rocky, Tobin’s still that girl she knew back when she didn’t even know how to tie her shoes. It matters.

 

“Nope.”

 

“What are you gonna do if she does call again?”

 

“I don’t really know. Has she spoken to you at all?” Tobin only asks because it might’ve happen. Given the fact that Ali actually goes back to New Jersey for holidays and things, well Tobin assumes so anyways.

 

“No, I don’t really see her when I go back into town.”

 

“Are you there now?”

 

“No, I was there last week. Spending time with Ashlyn’s family now.”

 

“That’s nice.”

 

“You haven’t gone back at all, have you?” Tobin just shakes her head in response to that question. No, she hasn’t. It’s too hard.

 

“I go back, the week of the 15th. You should come this year.” Ali knows that’s pushing it. Like, really pushing it because Tobin hasn’t gone back and Ali asking her to isn’t going to make it happen, but it’s worth a try.

 

“I can’t, Al.”

 

“I had to try.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“You can’t hate him forever, Tobs. He’d want you to be happy.”

 

“You don’t get to talk for him.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“No, it’s okay. I’m sorry, I know you mean well.”

 

“I missed you. Don’t leave okay?” Tobin missed Ali, despite her being so hesitant in the beginning. She missed the mumbling and the blunt attitude. She missed Ali’s smile and she missed her best friend.

 

“I don’t think I could leave you twice.”

 

“Good.”

 

\-----------------------

 

Friday December 8th

 

“You don’t need to go.” Alex says as Tobin walks around the guest room packing her things up. “Stay for Christmas.” Tobin pauses what she’s folding and just stands still.

 

“Pleaaaaase? I’ll give you the Morgan family recipe for hot coco.” Alex is laying on the guest bed.

 

"Your mom is going to be so ashamed. You sold the recipe out so quickly.” Tobin resumes packing up her things.

 

“What can I say to make you stay. I don’t want you to go back to New Haven.” Alex is coming off as extremely desperate, but she doesn’t want Tobin to leave. It’s been two amazing weeks and she’s attached.

 

“I have to work and do stuff.” The excuses Tobin’s giving sound pathetic even to her own ears.

 

“Kelley’s leaving with Hope to Washington today too. Please stay here with me instead. I don’t leave me alone here. My mom’s going to stuff me full of food.” Tobin laughs.“Tobin, c’mon. The weather’s perfect here.”

 

“I like the cold.”

 

“Fine.” Alex huffs and rolls over so that she’s lying stomach down on the bed. Her face is planted into the comforter. Tobin’s leaving and it’s not even for any legitimate reason.

 

“Back on the beach that night you said it ‘used’ to be your favorite holiday. Let’s celebrate it together.” Alex knows that’s not fair to say, but it’s true. She doesn’t want Tobin alone this year.

 

“I can’t.” Tobin sighs and refuses to turn around and look at Alex. Her resolve will slip away.

 

“Please?” Alex is defeated.

 

“I’m sorry. I just can’t.” Tobin knows her darkest days are approaching. She just wants to deal with them alone in solitude. No one needs to see her like that. She’s done it for the past three years and she managed fine; Ali even tried and didn’t succeed. Alex already knows so much, but this is different

 

“Don’t close me out, Tobin.” Alex is defeated yeah, she knows nothing she can say is going to get Tobin to stay,  but she wants to be honest. She doesn’t want Tobin to shut her out. She gets up from the bed and walks up to Tobin.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Tobin’s been saying that a lot recently.

 

\-------------------

 

“Skype me?”

 

“Of course, Lex.”

 

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.” Alex hugs Kelley

 

“I’ll keep her in line.” Hope  smiles and pats Kelley’s head.

 

“Good luck in New Haven, Tobin.” Kelley’s grown to really like Tobin. She’s got a good sense of humor and she makes Alex happy.

 

“Thanks, have fun with Hope.”

 

They’re all at the front of the airport, Tobin’s flight happened to be about the same time that Kelley and Hope’s does. It’s convenient, but Alex can’t help but wish she had some time alone with the other girl.

 

"Alright, our gates down there. By guys." The four of them exchange hugs and Kelley and Hope walk off.

 

"I should get going, flights in half an hour." Tobin motions towards the opposite direction.

 

"Yeah." Alex fidgets with her hands. She doesn't really know what they should do. Hug? Maybe, but Tobin's been a bit stand-offish since their conversation this morning. Alex pushed because she was selfish, but patience only goes so far.

 

"I'll text you when I land." Tobin looks at Alex and the way the other girl isn't making eye contact. She's just messing with her hands and just looks really uneasy. Tobin never meant for that to happen. She recognizes she's been a bit off since earlier but that wasn't her intention. She's just never had anyone try so hard for her at least not since Ali.

 

"Okay." Alex still isn't making eye contact.

 

"Hey?" Tobin takes a step closer. She opens up her arms and Alex looks up and walks into Tobin’s arms with a smile. Alex holds on tight and just waits for Tobin to pull away. It takes awhile.

 

“I’ll see you, yeah?” Alex can’t stop smiling.

 

“Mhm. Have a safe flight.” Tobin smiles back and nods.

 

\--------------------

 

Tuesday December 12th

 

“Hey, baby sis.”

 

“Hey, almost married person.”

 

“Still a Morgan at heart.”

 

Alex laughs at her sister. She hasn’t gotten to spend much quality time and it’s really needed. Liz is about to get married. A whole new chapter in her life is about to start and that feels so weird to Alex.

 

“Wanna go get coffee?”

 

“Or we could just use the Keurig that’s right there.” Alex points at the coffee machine that’s sitting in her room.

 

“You should not have one of those up here, wasn’t it downstairs?”  

 

“Shut up, I’m too lazy to move further than I need to.”

 

“Okay, that’s lame. You’re being lame.”

 

“No, that’s lazy, Liz.”

 

“Was that a joke?” Alex nods and smirks at her sister.

 

“Lame. Again, so lame.”

 

“Whatever. Where’s Mark?” Mark is Liz’s fiance. Alex actually adores the guy. He makes Liz incredibly happy.

 

“With his family, he’s coming here in a few days.”

 

“That’s good.”

 

Liz is sitting on the edge of Alex’s bed. Her younger sister is laying in bed with her laptop perched on her lap.

 

“Dad says you’ve been in here for the past few days.”

 

“Dad’s been trying to take me golfing.”

 

“Point is, you need to get out more.”

 

“Noooooope.”

 

“Lex, come on now. You’re a busy body, why are you just laying around?”

 

“I don’t feel like going out.”

 

“Scoot.” Liz pushes Alex’s legs over and scootches more towards Alex. She sits with her legs folded under her.

 

“Mphm. Look, I have a bag of bagels up here too.” Alex points at the window sill on the other side of the room.

 

“I think you’re officially the epitome of lazy.”

 

“I deserve an award.”

 

“You do.” Liz looks at Alex. Her little sister. The one she taught how to play dress up, the one she caught sneaking out in high school, the one she planted flowers with in the backyard of this very same house, the one she would do anything for. She leans over and shuts Alex’s laptop.

 

“Rude.”

 

“Whatever. Pay attention to me now.”

 

“Fine fine.”

 

“What’s really going on, Lex?”

 

“Whatever do you mean?” Alex grins at Liz because this whole playing dumb thing is just to annoy her sibling. She’s missed Liz so much. Sure, she has Kelley, but Liz is the wise older sibling that Alex looks up to and adores more than anyone else. Liz has this perfect life that Alex can’t help but wish to mimic.

 

“You know what.”

 

“Eh, dunno.”

 

“Lex.”

 

“Liz.”

 

“Lex.”

 

“We could do this all day.”

 

“Lex.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“So talk to me.” Liz shifts over and lays down right next to Alex.

 

“I don’t know. Kelley’s with Hope and Tobin’s not here. It feels weird.”

 

“You’ve never been the kind of person to be dependant on anyone, Lex.” Liz. Liz with infinite wisdom. Alex knows this conversation is going to get serious pretty quick. She pulls the blanket up over herself. The younger girl doesn’t want to talk about the lack of communication between Tobin and herself, or the uneasy feeling she’s got in her gut.

 

“I know.” Doesn’t mean she won’t try and avoid it.

 

“Tell me about Tobin.” Liz knows this is the best approach. If Alex is anything like her, which she is, then she won’t be able to not talk about it. And if Liz knows Alex at all, which she does, she knows that something’s off, but Alex needs to be happy and Liz is aware that that comes from talking about someone you like..

 

“Lizzzzzz!” Alex flips the pillow over her head as she says it because that’s totally unfair of her sister. She will never be able to hide anything from Liz, it’s just not possible. Again, so unfair.

 

“Leexxxx.” Liz takes the pillow away from her sister and throws it over her shoulder. Alex is actually acting like she’s back in high school. Not that Alex has ever really fallen for anyone, well not anyone that Alex has admitted to anyways.

 

“She’s a lit major.” Liz just smiles and waits for Alex to continue. There’s no need to rush her younger sister. She’ll spill it all out. Liz mostly thinks it’s going to be because she hasn’t spoken to anyone about it, maybe Kelley, but even then, from what Liz had gathered from Kelley, Alex hasn’t really spoken much about it.

 

“She’s just different. I don’t know. I haven’t met someone like her since I met Kelley and that’s weird because Kelley and I met like ages ago.” Alex smiles at the memory of her and Kelley first meeting.

 

“I’ve only known her for a bit, but I’m just really intrigued. There’s so much to learn and she’s so closed off.” There’s so much Alex wants to say, but it’s just a web of thoughts that don’t connect.

“I guess she’s something new, but at the same time, I just really care about her. I didn’t even really know her and I cared. That’s so lame.” Alex just lays there.

 

“Why are you upset though?” Liz questions only because Alex seems to be at a dead end.

 

“I’m not.”

 

“You haven’t left this room in days. Actually, probably since everyone left.” Liz hugs Alex. She remembers when they were younger, Alex would get upset about a game or her favorite team losing and Liz would be so annoyed because her sister would just lay around and be sad, she’d be annoyed enough to pick fights with Alex, but at the end of the day she’d just hug her sister and they’d be okay.

 

“Kelley’s got this solid thing going on with Hope and I’m so happy for her. They’re good together. I like Hope. Tobin’s just opened up so much and we got closer, but I asked her to stay and she still left.” Alex’s voice is resigned, dejected, and Liz thinks that the most ridiculous thing ever. Alex Morgan, her sister, does not give up.

 

“They both just left at the same time and it feels weird because I’ve always had Kelley around and Tobin’s this new thing that I’ve gotten really attached to.”

 

“Lex, what happened when you asked her to stay?”

 

“She shut down on me.”

 

“How so?”

 

“She just said she couldn’t, but didn’t have a valid justification. A part of me knows that it’s not me, but at the same time, maybe I did something wrong.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“I like her alot.” Liz smiles. That’s what she began this conversation looking for.

 

“That’s good though.”

 

“I try to be patient because she’s so closed. I just want her happy. Honest, I’m not at any point that I could like push too hard, but I just want to understand her so I can make her happy. Even as a friend right now.”

 

Alex is patient.She’s as patient as someone can be when they’re beginning to fall for someone. Liz realizes that her little sister is beginning to fall for Tobin. Maybe it’s small, maybe it doesn’t even last, but wanting happiness for someone above your own is not something to be taken for granted. She can’t protect Alex, she can’t really do anything right now, which sucks, but Liz can’t help but think it’s a good thing. Alex finally gets to try and be happy. Sure, she’s happy with soccer and Kelley, but this is a step further.

 

And maybe love doesn’t always work in the best ways, she and Mark took a long time to get where they were, but she falls more in love with that man everyday. Why wouldn’t she wish that for Alex?

 

\---------------

 

Wednesday December 13th

 

Tobin shuts the lights off in the small kitchen and walks back over to her couch. She’s been back for a couple days now, almost a week. In that week she hasn’t been anywhere besides the library, her own apartment, and the grocery store.

 

When she arrived back in New Haven she texted Alex and held a bit of a conversation. The long flight from Diamond Bar to New Haven had left her too much time to think. She didn’t have a book to read or something to distract her. Just some music and the memory of the two weeks. Really, the past month.

 

It’s the thirteenth today. Tobin’s mood is stuck on low. Despite her reunion with Ali, despite becoming close to Alex, despite everything good this past month has brought, it’s only made Tobin feel worse. She shouldn’t be stuck on the past, she shouldn’t have to feel like solitude is the only path she can take. Her life is not One Hundred Years of Solitude, although Gabriel Garcia Marquez did have a better clue as to how to get through life than her. She knows she disappointed Alex but shutting her out, but it was automatic.

 

And Tobin still thinks it was for the best.

 

As much as she’d like to believe she could handle things in someone’s company, that’s not true. Tobin knows better than anything that words are one thing, but actions are another.

 

When Alex asked Tobin to stay, Tobin wished she had it in her to say yes.

 

Tobin’s never known how to ask for or accept help.

 

\------------

 

“I’m worried about her.”

 

“Call her.”

 

“I have, she’s not picking up.”

 

“Alex...” Kelley sighs into the phone. “Let me get on skype.”

 

“Okay.” Alex clicks the end button and the line goes dead. She’s in sweats and her room is dark for two in the afternoon, but she doesn’t feel like getting up to open her blinds. The skype ringtone goes off and Alex accepts the call and Kelley’s face is on her screen.

 

“Oi.”

 

“What makes you worried?”

 

“She hasn’t spoken to me in a few days and if she does bother it’s one word or something.”

 

“Maybe she’s just busy?”

 

“Bullshit.”

 

“Why are you so angry?” Kelley doesn’t like the tone that Alex is currently using. It’s uncharacteristic and Alex is pretty relaxed about things.

 

“I’m just frustrated.” Alex deflates a bit and lays back in her bed.

 

“Go play train outside. That always clears your head.”

 

“I don’t even feel like moving.”

 

“Why is Tobin affecting you so much?”

 

“I know something’s wrong.”

 

“How can you be so sure? You’ve only known her for about a month.” The look Kelley gets immediately makes her regret what she said.

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Lex, I just mean, you’re getting worked up.”

 

“Whatever.” Now that? That’s not Alex Morgan. Kelley tries to think of something to say, because this isn’t what’s supposed to be happening. She’s supposed to be making her best friend feel better not more frustrated.

 

“I’m sorry. Just, like, talk to me. I’m not following I guess.”

 

“Maybe I am overreacting, maybe I’m just attached and making things up in my head, but she wouldn’t not talk to me. We just spent two weeks together nonstop and unless I really freaked her out, why would she just stop? It’s either me or something’s really wrong.” Alex knows everything she just said was stupid. Really stupid, but it’s not logical. Mostly, it’s Alex’s gut. Her gut says something’s wrong and Kelley’s right, it’s only been a month, but she can’t shake this feeling. More than all that though, Liz’s words echo in her head, she’s not one to be dependant on anyone. And this feels like that.

 

“You know her better than me, Lex. Maybe you’re right, but what can you do? If she’s shutting you out, maybe she’s not ready.”

 

There’s a silence now. Alex is thinking that over and Kelley’s hoping she didn’t say anything regrettable.

 

“How do you know when to push, Kelley? With Hope, how do you know?” And that’s when Kelley has to remember that they’re in similar positions. That’s when Kelley has to empathise with Alex and she has to really take a moment to process. Alex’s question is spot on.

 

“My gut.” Kelley says it and she knows Alex is going to do whatever she has to now. Her best friend is nothing if not determined. “So now what, Lex?” But Kelley can at least try to understand what Alex’s thinking is.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“It’s hard when she’s not with you.” Kelley knows that the only reason her and Hope have been so okay and Kelley hasn’t fucked it up yet is because they’re always together, but she’s working on understanding how Hope works. She can tell from Hope’s body language how she feels and that’s a huge help. “You can’t be with her to just be.”

 

“I know.”

 

“But you could be.”

 

It’s dramatic, but Kelley suggests it anyways.

 

\--------------

 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 

Thursday December 14th

 

“You need to leave.”

 

“I flew here.”

 

“Alex, leave my apartment.”

 

“You don’t text me for days, we have one actual conversation and that basically took us back to square one.”

 

“So you flew here?”

 

Alex knows it was dramatic, but even Kelley said to.

 

"Something's wrong."

 

"Leave."

 

"Don't shut me out, Tobin." Tobin shakes her head and stands opposite of Alex. Her stance is defensive, her arms are crossed and pressed tightly against her front. She’s not even looking Alex in the eye.

 

“Let me help you.” Alex doesn’t give up. She knocked on into Tobin’s apartment door earlier unsure of what she’d find.  When Tobin opened the door looking solemn Alex immediately asked what was wrong, Tobin almost refused to let her in, but Alex persisted and their conversation became this back and forth.

 

“Just fucking leave!”

 

Alex takes a step backwards. That wasn’t Tobin. She’s never heard Tobin’s voice raise in such a way and she’s never heard her curse. It’s shocking and it just cements Alex’s suspicions that something isn’t alright; Tobin’s not alright.

 

“I don’t know what’s wrong, but you’re not okay. I’m not going to just leave you.”

 

“I don’t need your help!” Tobin’s desperately trying to get Alex to leave. She can’t even begin to process what it means that Alex is actually here, here in her apartment right now. It’s the fourteenth, the day he walked out. Her eyes are already watering up again and she doesn’t want Alex to see that.

 

“I’m not leaving.” Alex stands there, on the other side of the room from Tobin. She waits for Tobin to answer, but as she does she glances around the room. The curtains aren’t open, books scattered and left unattended, paper crumbled up, pens and pencils on the floor, mugs on the small table in front of the couch. She glances back at Tobin when she hears movement, but all she catches is what she assumes is Tobin’s bedroom door shutting. “Fuck.” Alex doesn’t know what to do with herself now. Honestly she knows that pushing wasn’t the best course of action, but what else was she supposed to do?

 

Does she leave now? Does she wait? What if this is too much?

 

Alex walks over the the couch and plops herself down on it. It was a bold move booking the plane ticket minutes after she hung up on Kelley. Even bolder of her to actually go to the airport and get onto the plane. The long ride did nothing but make Alex even more nervous about her decision. Kelley was right, Alex wouldn’t have been able to sit still and be okay if she kept on wondering about Tobin. She couldn’t settle that gut feeling and she went out on a limb and followed it. She was right, but that doesn’t make her feel any better.

 

\--------------------

 

Tobin shuts the door and walks into her room. She turns around and stares at her desk. The one she’s been sitting at for a majority of her time back. She walks up to it and angrily bangs her fist on the wood.

 

“So stupid.” Tobin doesn’t know what to make of this. What the fuck is she supposed to do? Alex is out there still, waiting and wondering. She came all the way to New Haven to check on her.

 

That scares Tobin.

 

It terrifies her.

 

No one has done that much for her since...

 

“Fuck.” Tobin walks back over to her bed and sits on the edge. Why today? He left her today and now Alex is here. She’s here and she’s trying to be that someone for Tobin, but Tobin can’t even function on days like these. She closes her eyes and covers them with her hands. The tears are falling freely and she’s crying quietly. She remains like this for awhile, trying to stifle the crying and rubbing her eyes furiously when she becomes especially disheartened and the tears seemed to fall faster and grow bigger.

 

Tobin hasn’t heard the front door open yet so she knows that Alex is out there waiting. And that infuriates her, so much. She wanted peace and solitude. She wanted to be left alone. Tobin isn’t thinking clearly, that much is evident, but these aren’t her best days.

 

Tobin furiously wipes her face and gets back up, she opens her door full of energy and walks right back into the room where Alex sits waiting for her.

 

“You came here looking for a reason?” Tobin is yelling and it’s angry and it’s spiteful, but she can’t feel anything else.

 

“He walked out of my life on this day four years ago. Four fucking years ago.” Tobin takes a step closer. Alex’s eyes are wide with surprise. Tobin’s sudden appearance startled her out of her thoughts.

 

She doesn’t know what to say.

 

“I left my house after a year of trying to put up with that, a year of my mother not looking at me because all she could see was him, and Ali not knowing what to do with me.” Tobin’s words are coming out so strong and Alex can see the way Tobin’s eyes are getting teary again. She stands up so she’s level with Tobin, but she doesn’t move an inch closer yet.

 

“December 15th, he dies in a fucking car accident.” Tobin collapses to the ground and begins crying more than before. She hasn’t said that to anyone, ever. Not even Ali. Ali was there for it’s occurrence, but Tobin clammed up after it happened. Tobin hasn’t talked to anyone about this. She’s written her thoughts out on paper and that’s her escape. She doesn’t want anyone to depend on because promises are broken and life moves on despite it all. It’s been four long years.

 

Alex immediately goes over to Tobin and just wraps her arms around her. “I didn’t ask you to come, Alex. I didn’t ask you to be here.” Tobin’s breathing so hard and she can barely say that so that Alex can understand it, but it’s true. She doesn’t want someone to lean on like this. Not when her father was the only one she really trusted other than Ali, but even Ali was better off without her at the time.

 

Tobin doesn’t want to depend on anyone like she depended on her father. He was a lifeline. They spent hours together playing soccer and eating ice cream. He took her to games and coached her at home. He helped her build her first treehouse and he taught her how to play with heart. She adored him. He promised not to leave, promised he’d be there for her to graduate high school, he talked about spinning her around after she got that diploma, he talked about how proud he’d be when she’d get called up to play with the national team. He spoke so many words, made so many promises.

 

Promises he couldn’t keep.

 

She doesn’t want to trust anyone like that. It hurts when they leave.

 

But Alex just keeps holding her. Arms tight around her body. Enough to make Tobin feel grounded.

 

And for a moment it feels as though this is okay. It’s okay to have someone hold her.

 

\-------------------------

 

An hour or two later Alex is sitting on the ground with Tobin basically in her lap. She felt Tobin’s breathing go deep and steady about ten minutes ago and she thinks that Tobin’s possibly fallen asleep just from pure exhaustion. Alex is sort of thankful because Tobin most likely needed it.

 

Alex shifts slightly and waits for Tobin to react, when the other girl doesn’t she tries to get the both up and off the ground without too many jarring movements. It takes Alex some serious thinking and a lot of balance, but when she does lift Tobin up she walks into the room Tobin came storming out of earlier and lays Tobin on the bed.

 

She straightens herself back up and looks around the room. It feels a bit like an intrusion, the way she’s taking in Tobin’s personal space like this, without permission. But she notices the desk and the books that sit upon it. Alex sighs and walks towards the door again, but as she steps through the threshold she turns and looks at Tobin again. She seems more peaceful. Alex knows that what Tobin’s been dealing with has just begun, but this is the first step and that’s something.

 

Alex debates on the pros and cons of taking a cab back to her apartment to put away clothes and maybe get something to eat, but when she looks back at Tobin’s messy living room she just grabs her phone and looks for the closest pizza place. When she finds it she calls and places an order for one large pizza, but as she’s ordering she walks over to Tobin’s fridge to check it’s contents and when she sees basically nothing, she orders two large pizzas.

 

She hangs up the phone and sends Kelley and Liz a text saying she’s at Tobin’s and that she’s alright. After that she begins busying herself with picking up the trash on the floor and the pens and pencils and putting them in a cup that’s on the coffee table.

 

When Alex is satisfied with the condition of the living room area she plops herself back onto the couch and waits for the pizza. It's almost been a half hour so it should be coming soon. Alex stares at some of the books that lay on the table. She picks up the closest one, The Picture of Dorian Gray. She flips through the book an notices all the little annotations that Tobin's written into the margins. Some words are highlighted, others underlined and sometimes a whole page just filled with Tobin's thoughts. She picks up the next book and does the same thing until she's reached the fifth one and she realizes that this is what Tobin does. She reads and losses herself in books, the classics. Alex smiles.

 

She hears knocking on the door and realizes that it must be the pizza. She grabs her wallet pays for it and thanks the man. When she goes over to set the pizza on the counter of the kitchen table she considers waking Tobin up to eat, but there's no telling what mood Tobin will be in when she wakes. Alex grabs a slice of pizza and leans against the counter staring at the refrigerator door blankly. All those things Tobin said, she had no idea.

 

How could anyone?

 

She continues to nibble on her pizza and think about what she could possibly do to help Tobin. She thinks about how long Tobin's probably been dealing with that on her own. About how much Tobin's kept inside, but mostly how helpless she is in this situation.

 

Alex has always had a strong support system. Both her parents were present and were always strong influences in her academic and athletic life.

 

She's jarred out of her thoughts when the bedroom door opens. Alex looks over and watches as Tobin steps out of the room and just walks towards her, eyes still half closed. Alex waits for Tobin to say something. When Tobin stops a few feet away and stares at Alex almost blankly, Alex grabs a slice of pizza from the second box and offers it up to her.

 

"Here." Tobin reaches out and takes it.

 

"Thanks." Alex hears the mumbling and nods in response. She still doesn't know what to say, but maybe the best thing to do is to wait for Tobin to talk.

 

They eat in silence for minutes that seem to stretch out for hours. Then finally Tobin says something. “You should go.”

 

Alex just sighs in response. Maybe she had gone too far, but she doesn’t feel as though there is any harm in her staying. She’s here for Tobin, but is staying here too much?

 

“I’ll go, if you answer one thing, honestly.” Tobin looks at Alex and nods.

 

“Are you going to be okay, alone?” And that question grounds Tobin. A part of her knows that the truth is what needs to be said, that Alex came all the way here because she cares. She cares and deserves the truth. But Tobin doesn’t trust anyone. Tobin can’t even trust herself most days, but before she even finishes thinking Tobin is shaking her head no.

 

Maybe Tobin knows that she needs it. Maybe this is her way of finally asking for help, but her head and her heart are screaming two different things. She’s already begun to trust Alex, and Ali’s back in her life now. There’s just so much to think about. So much she can’t put into words.

 

“Then I’m staying. I’ll sleep out here, just know that I’m right here.” Alex says it as confidently as possible so that Tobin can’t argue. She means what she says and Tobin said that the 15th, tomorrow, is the day he passed away. Alex needs to be here for Tobin, even if Tobin doesn’t come out of her room, she’s here.  

 

Tobin’s tears start to fall again, but she’s wiping at them furiously and turning away from Alex.

 

And Alex’s heart breaks. Tobin’s scared to be vulnerable and Alex can see the way Tobin’s falling apart in front of her. Alex drops the pizza back on the box and just moves to hold Tobin. That’s all she can really do right now. Hold her.

 

\----------------

 

Friday, December 15th

 

Tobin didn’t get more than four hours of sleep. She’s been lying awake in her bed for too long now getting lost in her thoughts and memories. She keeps going over yesterday. Wondering why she answered Alex truthfully, why she was angry enough to yell those things at her, why she said anything in the first place. Everything’s such a mess.

 

Such a fucking mess.

 

And Tobin’s aware of her own feelings enough to know that yeah, she needs the help and maybe that was her way of asking for it. There’s a part of Tobin that’s been begging for someone to come along and help her. But Alex doesn’t need that kind of burden. She doesn’t need any of Tobin’s sorrows weighing her down, but she’s still there. She’s there waiting for Tobin.

 

It’s all just so confusing.

 

She wishes she hadn’t spewed out everything so quickly. So angrily.

 

Fuck. He died today.

 

Tobin was the one who was home when the hospital called said that "a Mr.Heath was in critical condition due to a car accident." She had been the one to drive down there in a hurry only to find out that it was too late and he was gone. Too late for her to yell at him and too late for him to say sorry. Too late for Tobin to gain any closure.

 

A part of Tobin knows that he did what was best for him. That he left the previous day to get away from a loveless marriage, but another part of Tobin can’t help but remain that ten year old that only looked up to her father. That 15 year old who wanted nothing more than to play soccer and make her father proud.

 

There’s so much that Tobin wanted to say to him, so much she never got to, but there’s that letter that’s been sitting in a box in her closet that she hasn’t opened. The one he left for her the day he left. Tobin hasn’t touched it. She doesn’t want to.

 

Tobin shifts and gets up. She walks over to her desk and sits down. Her journal is tucked underneath everything and she pulls it out. Flips through it. This is the one she’s had for two years, when things got a bit less intense and a lot more dull. She’s still angry, mostly when it gets close to today and when the holiday’s come around, but most days it’s just dull, sitting in the back of her mind.

 

And maybe that’s a bit passive aggressive, but whatever.

 

She’s calmer this morning, which is odd, considering. But she knows that a lot of that has to do with the fact that she let out a lot of her anger yesterday. She’s spent, really, she hasn’t yelled like that in so long, well if ever, actually. And Alex was on the receiving end of that and that’s just terrible.

 

And Alex? Jeez. Alex. There’s so much to say about that. It’s confusing. Tobin wants to keep her at arms reach because what happened yesterday? That’s not something that Tobin’s even comfortable of thinking about again. She just wants to say sorry a billion times. Tobin checks the clock; 10:30 in the morning. Alex is still outside her room, hopefully asleep.

 

Tobin grabs a pencil from the inside the drawer of her desks and begins writing. It’s better if her thoughts are somewhat organized in this journal before she tries to tackle them with anyone else. She writes for about an hour. Just a stream of thought. Thing about her father, things about the recent call from her mother, things about Ali and what it means now that she’s back in her life, and things about Alex.

 

Mostly though, she writes about how okay she feels. She finally said it to someone. Finally let it out. Maybe it’s the fact that it was Alex. Actually, Tobin can’t help but think that has a lot to do with it. Despite how it went down, it was....freeing. And yeah, Tobin’s still a bit angry because today’s the 15th, but at the same time, it just feels...okay.

 

Ultimately, she has a lot of things to say.

 

And Alex is out there, waiting.

 

And maybe Tobin’s terrified to trust someone like that, but if anything, how she feels today and how she acted yesterday was proof that she needs it.

 

\-----------------

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hi.”

 

“Pizza?” Alex holds out a half eaten piece of cold pizza. “Oh, I made some tea too, you’re right, it’s not that bad.”

 

Tobin lets a small smile slip onto her face. She walks over to the couch and sits down next to Alex.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be.”

 

“I have to, just let me be.” And Tobin means that. She understands why Alex is saying she doesn’t need to be, but she is.

 

“I don’t want you to be sorry. You’ve been through too much for that.” Alex has thought about yesterday and Tobin and how she should deal with things all night. But the only conclusion she’s come up with is to just stick by for her. They don't have to talk about. Really, she can wait.

 

"Honestly though. I didn't mean to yell. I'm sorry that was towards you."

 

"It's okay. It took me by surprise, but it's fine." Alex nibbles on her pizza. "Tobs?" An the nickname is sort of an accident, but whatevs.

 

"Mhm?"

 

"We don't have to talk about it."

 

"Thanks."

 

And maybe today will be different. Because as Tobin looks at Alex she things that she can be better. Better for herself.

 

\------------------

 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Friday, December 15th (Continued)

“We should go to the library.” Alex pokes Tobin’s cheek. Tobin’s been sitting next to her zoned out for a couple of minutes. 

“Oh?” Tobin shifts her gaze to Alex.

“I think some of your books are overdue.” Tobin looks at some of the books sitting on the coffee table. Alex is probably right.

“So, we should walk to the library.” Alex smiles at the way Tobin’s barely following such a simple conversation. She’s so out of it. “You’re a lit major, overdue books should be a penalty against you or something.” 

Tobin smiles at the joke. 

Then her phone starts ringing. She doesn’t even know where her phone is. She hasn’t touched it in awhile. Alex looks around the room for it too, but the sound is muffled and they’re both up and flipping things over. 

“Got it!” Alex found the phone stuffed between the couch cushions. She tosses it to Tobin and plops herself back down on the couch. Tobin missed the call, but when she sees that it was from Ali, she contemplates whether or not to call back right now. A few moments later and Alex is just laying on the couch doing nothing Tobin decides she probably should. She knew Ali would be calling today and she doesn’t want to worry the other girl anymore. 

Tobin waits for the call to go through and she hears that soft mumbling voice after the second ring. “Hi.” Tobin says it back.

“How are you?” 

“Mmm.” Tobin just hums into the phone in response. Ali knows today is not the best day. 

“I’m back home now.” And Tobin knows that that’s still Ali’s home. New Jersey is still that place for her, but it’s not Tobins. Tobin doesn’t really have a home right now. 

Ali takes Tobin’s lack of a response as a cue to keep talking. “I stopped by to see your mom. The first time in awhile because I left for Stanford and all.” And Tobin just sort of forgets to breathe for a second because Ali went to go see her freaking mother and Tobin desperately wants to ask how it went. 

Alex motions for Tobin’s attention. When she gets it she just points towards a different direction. Alex doesn’t think she’s supposed to be a bystander of whatever conversation is going on between Tobin and whoever’s on the phone. So she leaves to give Tobin a bit of privacy. 

"I asked her why she's been calling. And she couldn't give me a straight answer, but Tobin, she's been going back to church." Ali's voice is surprised. Even Tobin can tell that much. 

"Oh." 

"I asked her to stop calling you. Or at least to wait till you call her because I don't like what she did to you Tobin. You deserved better than that." Ali's being her protective self. The same one that sheltered her through that last year she was home, or tried to anyways. Tobin appreciates it, though she doesn’t like being taken care of. 

“Thank you.” Tobin means it. 

“How are you doing today?” 

Tobin contemplates answering that. Ali’s this person. This person that she doesn’t really need to explain things to. Ali was there. And maybe that’s a lot easier to do. She can’t help but think about the way she left. It was unfair to Ali, the way she walked out just like he did. Without a single clue though, at least her father left her a letter. But yeah, Ali was there, and Ali never really lost her trust, more like Tobin feels like she owes it to Ali. 

But three years alone makes it so hard. 

And why is it that lately she things have been happening like this? She’s literally being pulled out of her solitude. 

“I’m better.” Tobin hears Ali sigh into the phone; she doesn’t know if it’s a sigh of relief or not. 

“I know it’s only been a few weeks since I saw you last and all, but don’t shut me out. Not now.” Tobin rubs her eyes and sighs back.

“I’m not Ali. I’m not lying.” She trails off and contemplates the pros and cons of telling Ali that Alex showed up. If she did tell her she’d have to talk about it right now. She hasn’t even really had time to think it out. “Tobin?” Ali realizes that Tobin’s probably got more to say.

“Are you back in New Haven?” Tobin hums back in response. 

“Well, I’m still in New Jersey and I don’t need to be back at Stanford anytime soon. Is it okay if I drive up and meet you?” Ali says it slowly, sort of cautiously.

“Yeah.” Tobin figures it’s better to talk to people in person and she does miss Ali. Plus that gives her time to think about all that’s going on with Alex before having to talk about it. 

“Alright, text me and stuff?” Ali knows Tobin’s super zoned out and she doesn’t exactly want to push too hard.

“Of course.” Tobin’s upper lip quirks up in a small smile. She needs to start remembering that she’s got people in her life now. 

“And Tobin?” 

“Yeah?”

“I love you. Be safe.” Tobin smiles again and mumbles back a reply. She hangs up the phone and lays her head back on her couch. 

It’s been an interesting few days. 

“Let’s go!” Alex throws a pillow at Tobin and laughs at the other girls reaction. She’s glad that she came. She really is. 

\---------------------------

Tuesday December 19th

“Are you going to tell her eventually?” 

“Kelley, shut up.” 

“I’m serious. You literally flew across the country on your gut alone for her. She can’t be that blind.” 

“What do you want me to do?” Alex rubs her forehead and sighs. 

“Just talk to her or something. Lex, you can’t always just put people in front of you.” 

“Literally four days ago she was a wreck and you want me to just be like ‘oh hey, Tobin, we’ve known each other for over like a month, but I really like you, lets date.’?” Alex says it in such a way that Kelley thinks she’s probably thought about it a lot.

“I never said that! I just think you should mention it. Lay it out on the line.”

“Well, I think I’m going back to our place tonight. She’s been doing better.” 

“Alex you helped her. Just say something!” 

“Kelley shut up!” 

“I just want you to be happy.” The mood shifts quickly. Kelley’s rarely ever serious and Alex doesn’t really ever know what to do when she is. 

“I am happy.” 

“Alex, c’mon. I may not know Tobin like you do, but she’s pretty open minded, closed off, but from what I’ve seen she’s got a good character. And honestly, I think she might like you too.” 

“Don’t do that.” 

“Alex.” 

“You have Hope. You’re happy, but it’s different Kelley.” Alex shakes her head and picks at her laptop. 

“You have to take some sort of risk. To be happy.” 

“I just told you that I’m happy.”

“I don’t know where you got your stubbornness from. Liz is nothing like this.” 

“Oh my God, don’t bring Liz into this.” 

“Have you spoken to her about it?” 

“Kelley.” Alex just glares straight into her webcam.

“Look, ultimately it’s your choice, but I think you should tell her. At least that way the slate is clean and you can move on or forward.”

“Why do you suddenly think it’s that simple?” 

“Why don’t you?”

There’s a pause of silence. Alex rests her head in her hands and thinks over the conversation and her interactions with Tobin. They’ve been doing really well. Alex has got Tobin going to the library and hanging out when they’re bored. Tobin’s even offered to let Alex sleep in her bed, but Alex felt like she couldn’t do that considering her position right now.

“Just think about it, okay?” Kelley doesn’t mean to push, but her best friend needs it sometimes. She’s hard headed and always puts others in front of herself. 

“Yeah. Are you staying in Washington till New Years?” 

“Nope, just for Christmas. I’m thinking of heading to New York for New Years this year with Hope. Do you wanna ask Tobin? Then the four of us can go.” 

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Alex, I know I’m being repetitive and all, but I do just want the best for you.”

“I know, Kels.”

There’s a few moments of silence before Alex moves on. 

“How are you and Hope?”

“Great. Her families weird, but that just means I fit right in.”

“Oh god, don’t embarrass yourself.”

“Too late, although, I can tell Hope’s missed her family a lot.”

“It’s good that you guys are in Washington then.”

“Mhm.” 

They continue to talk about the weather in Washington and how close it really is to Christmas till Alex sees Hope in the background and says a quick goodbye to Kelley. She shuts her laptop off after checking her email. 

The past couple of days have been insane. Hectic and a whirlwind to say the least, but they’ve also been really telling. Alex has learned a lot about Tobin, she’s seen Tobin with her guard up and her guard down. She’s seen Tobin angry, sad, mad, happy, and content within a span of a few hours.

The thing is though? Alex would rather be here in New Haven than at home back in Diamond Bar. 

Friday December 22nd

“Tell me something new.”

“Alex.”

“What?”

Tobin looks at Alex and just sends her a playful glare. Alex is always asking for new information. Always hungry for more answers. “You’re like a leech that thrives off of information about me.”

“So what?”

“I asked you before about whether or not you liked Kelley because you reminded me a lot of myself. Back when Ali and I were close.” Alex doesn’t know what to make of what Tobin just told her. Does that mean...

“You liked Ali.” Tobin never thought she’d get to this place with anyone. That point where she could talk about anything and everything and be okay, especially so quickly. She didn’t think she could feel like it was okay to fall apart and open herself up without facing judgement.

“I did.” It’s been almost two month now that she’s known Alex. In a almost two months she’s learned so much. A little from her own observations, but mostly from the conversations Alex has with her. The thing that amazes Tobin the most is the way Alex opens herself up like a book for Tobin to read. She doesn’t hide anything and she lays herself bare without a single hesitation. That’s incredible.

“I did love Kelley. I mean I still love her, but differently.” Alex trades a secret for a secret. It’s probably the first time she’s said it outloud. She grew up with Kelley. Just like how Tobin grew up with Ali. It’s complicated, but if their situations where anything alike it was the cliche falling for your best friend story. “You’re okay now though?” Tobin asks because it matters. Those kinds of things matter. Asking if Alex is okay after falling in love with someone matters.

“I learned a lot.” That’s true. Alex did learn a lot from falling for Kelley O’hara. She doesn’t regret it despite it happening so fast. “I think that’s what first loves are for.” Tobin smiles a little. First loves are the things of fairytales. “Romeo and Juliet, Pride and Prejudice, The Count of Monte Cristo. That’s what it’s all about.”

“Is that why you study lit?” Alex asks only because Tobin’s never really told her about school and her decision to study lit.

“No, I just love the classics. I guess love stories are one thing, but the language, the way you can still see things that people struggle through now even back then. It’s just so interesting. Imagine what Shakespeare would say about social media? Imagine Jane Austen in the modern world.” Alex laughs because those are two very interesting images. To hear Tobin talk about this sort of thing makes Alex content to just be in her presence. Sure, Alex has a passion for soccer, but Tobin and books? That’s something she could listen to all day.

“Tobin?” Alex folds her arms behind her head and looks at the ceiling.

“Hmm?” Tobin turns on her side to look at Alex.

“You know I’m glad we met.”

“Me too.”

Alex turns on her side to face Tobin too, they’re only a breath apart.

Laying in Alex’s childhood bed, a week after Tobin was supposed to leave, one month after they’ve met, Alex can’t help but feel like she’s lucky. She was blessed.

“Often we pass beside happiness without seeing it, without looking at it, or even if we have seen and looked at it, without recognizing it.” Quoting The Count of Monte Cristo is something she never thought she’d do, but there’s a first for everything. She continues, “I’m glad you didn’t pass me by.”

Tobin’s smile is enough to make Alex’s heart soar. It was worth it. “You make me happy.” Tobin replies without hesitation. It’s that simple.

“Read me stuff from your journal?”

“Whyyyyy?” Tobin’s whining is Alex’s favorite thing.

“Pleaseeee?” And Tobin’s still slightly guilty about the fight they’re moving on from and Alex is giving her those puppy dog eyes. It’s not okay.

“Fine, but you’re reading it yourself.” Tobin walks over to her desk and grabs the worn brown journal. The one she’s kept for almost two years. She flips through the pages before turning around and walking back to Alex. “Here.” She drops it onto Alex’s lap and sits herself down right next to her. “Pick whatever page. Rule is you only get to read the one you open to.”

This is the first time anyone else has ever held that journal. Her thoughts scrawled out onto the unlined pages. It’s so personal.

Alex opens up the journal right at the beginning, about four pages in. She smiles when she sees Tobin messy handwriting slanted and not at all in a straight line. She begins to read the passage; “Love’s an old fable. One painted with broad strokes and a light hand. Love is a wise man’s fault and a blind man’s sight. Undefinable, unreliable, and ultimately unreachable. Yet, we strive for it like a fly to the light, we yearn for it so much that we hand our hearts over on a platter. We become so eager that our souls become enamoured with the thought and the theory of love.

We blindly reach for the the unknown. We follow the old fable, the lovesick musicians, the eloquent authors, the smooth poetry and the artwork. Generations upon generations follow the lead and create their own stories. We relive Romeo and Juliet, a tragedy that is seen as the ultimate sacrifice. We attempt to understand the emotions and to describe the raw and pureness of our hearts. We try to describe the connection and the unity of two souls. We try to compare and qualify what being “in love” means. We do what we know we can not achieve; but why?

Love is the only unknown humans do not fear. I do not fear love, I fear the outcome of love. I want to feel love and have it engulf me, but why when the loss of it is so painful?”

“Wow.” Alex just stares at the page. Tobin’s not eloquent at all when she’s talking to Alex or anyone for that matter, but her written words are so...they’re just...Alex can’t even think of a word.

“Okay, it’s terrible, gimme.” Tobin takes the journal and tucks it under the pillow behind her.

“No, you’re incredible.” Alex still doesn’t think she knows what to say to describe what just happened. She literally got a look into Tobin’s mind.

A beautiful mind. Maybe Alex does have to talk to Tobin soon. Because she can be sure she just fell for Tobin’s mind.

\---------------------------------------------


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 

Friday December 22nd (Continued)

 

“It’s almost Chrstmas.” Tobin mumbles it into her tea.

 

“Yeah, just a couple days now.” Alex was wondering when Tobin would say something about her extended stay. These past couple of days have been a rollercoaster. From the moment Alex arrived to just a few minutes ago when Tobin opened up and Alex read her thoughts. Walls to no walls. It’s a bit of a whirlwind when Alex thinks about it too much. Christmas is only three days away.

 

“Are you going back to see your family? You should spend Christmas with them.” Tobin’s guilt is pretty evident. Alex doesn’t want her to feel that way. Plus, she doesn’t really feel like going home.

 

“My mom knows I’m here. They won’t miss me too much.” That’s a bit of a lie. She’s never spent the holidays away from home.

“She’s your mom.” Tobin smiles into the mug a bit. Alex is straight up lying to make her feel better, and that says something about Alex. Actually, these past few days have said a lot about Alex’s character.

 

“But you’re my friend.” And yeah, the moment that left her mouth it kinda sucked because ‘friend’ is not a term she’s looking towards using for Tobin.

 

“I’ll be okay.” Tobin shuffles her feet against the bottom rail of the stool she’s sitting on. Ali’s coming up in a day. Having Ali and Alex in her home, that’d be interesting.

 

Alex looks Tobin right in the eye and  says: “I know.” But that’s what surprises Tobin. Alex says ‘I know’ and the curious look Tobin gives Alex just makes Alex smile.

 

“You’re strong. I mean everyone has a person. Like someone they lean on. Kelley’s been my person for as long as I can remember. And you haven’t had one in awhile. You didn’t want one, but I don’t think that’s because you’re a recluse or anything. I think that that’s because you don’t want anyone to experience  the things you feel. I don’t know much about what happened I don’t really know much about your history...” Alex trails off a bit. She hasn’t been looking Tobin in the eye since she started explaining herself. It’s nerve wracking to pyscho-analyze someone in front of them. What if she says too much and it’s just that evident. That evident that she’s pretty emotionally invested in Tobin. Can anyone really look that deeply at anyone else without having some sort of investment? But then Kelley’s words echo through Alex’s head. “Why do you suddenly think it’s that simple?” “Why don’t you?”

 

Why isn’t it? Alex looks up at Tobin and she continues her thought. “I don’t know much, but I think what I’ve learned from you is that you’re protecting the world from yourself, when you don’t even realize that people want to know you. I want to know you.” And Tobin’s no longer got that confused look. Her eyes are closed and she’s just sort of resting her chin on the mug.

 

“Often we pass beside happiness without seeing it, without looking at it, or even if we have seen and looked at it, without recognizing it.” When Alex said that Tobin’s smile was probably the biggest it’s been in a really long time. And now Tobin’s repeating it back to Alex less than an hour after Alex had said it. What else does she say to all of that? Alex hasn’t known her long. She hasn’t really known much about Tobin, but she’s assessed all that.

 

“You make me happy.” Alex replies back with a smile. Tobin laughs because wow. Seriously? Seriously they’re mush. But a thought pops up in Tobin’s head immediately; what are they?

 

\----------------------------

 

“Ali’s coming to stay with me for Christmas and stuff. I hope you don’t mind?” Tobin gave up on trying to get Alex to go home and stay with her family, not to say that Tobin wanted her to leave, she just really didn’t think it was fair that Alex had up and left and came back for her.

 

“I can go back and stay at my place, so there’s more room and stuff.”

 

“You don’t have to do that.”

 

“No, really it’s fine. I should probably get new food and whatnot anyways.”

 

“Okay.” Tobin lets her because her place really doesn’t have much room, which just sorta sucks. “But, come back and stuff okay?” The older girl adds it because she doesn’t want Alex to feel unwelcomed or anything. Plus, it’s almost Christmas.

 

\-----------------------------------------------

 

Saturday December 23rd

 

“Your place isn’t really decorated.”

 

“Alex said the same thing.”

 

“Alex?”

 

“She’s been staying here.”

 

“Since?” Ali’s got her eyebrow raised and Tobin almost laughs because it’s just really funny to her how quickly Ali steps back into the best friend role.

 

“She flew in the 15th.”

 

“Wait, what?”

 

“Yeah, I had been staying at hers in Cali and I came back here and I don’t know what happened. She felt something was wrong and came here.”

 

“She flew across country on a whim?” Okay, so Ali’s impressed. That’s impressive. But, people don’t just do that sort of thing.

 

“You done, detective?”

 

“Fine, but I’m hungry.”

 

“Your pizza in Cali sucks, time to hit up New Haven’s.” Tobin grabs her coat and throws one at Ali.

 

\------------

 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 

Saturday December 23rd (continued)

 

“No really though, Stanford’s a dream, but I can see Yale’s charm.” Ali mumbles before she takes another small bite of her spinach and onion pizza.

 

It’s about lunch time, but Ali had arrived in the morning and collapsed onto Tobin’s couch to sleep for a few hours before Tobin woke her up again. Now that she’s rested and sitting at what she assumes is Tobin’s favorite pizza place because it’s the same place she had been at the last time she was here, she’s pretty much ready to interrogate Tobin.

 

“I think all that sun’s done you good, Ali.” Tobin smiles over her slice of pizza. She really has missed Ali.

 

“The snow has just clogged up your mind.” Tobin laughs outright, that comment is something expected of a Cali girl.

 

“So you go from spending your life in Jersey and now you’re all about the Cali weather?”

 

“Tots!” Ali flips her hair for added emphasis.

 

“Okay okay.” Tobin just nods her head with an amused smile.

 

“And by the way our pizza is better than this.”

 

“Nope, it’s not.”

 

“How would you know?”

 

“I did stay in Cali long enough with Alex to know that ours is better.”

 

“Oh?” Ali vaguely remembers talking to Tobin while she was at the other girls house, but she had no idea that Alex had lived in Cali. This whole thing just sort of blows Ali’s mind. And is maybe giving her a bit of a headache.

 

“Yeah?” Tobin’s eyes widen a bit when she realizes that she brought Alex into the conversation. Shit. That’s probably not the best idea. Ali’s always been way too curious and yeah, Tobin wants to talk to Ali about Alex, but she didn’t think she’d be the one to slip.

 

“Alex?”

 

“What about her...?” Tobin’s going to play dumb, at least till Ali actually asks something because she doesn’t even know where to start.

 

“Stop being stupid.”

 

“I see time hasn’t softened your sharp edges.”

 

“Never that, Ashlyn keeps me on my toes.”

 

“Speaking of Ashlyn how is she?” Ah hah. Distraction tactics. Tobin’s good at those. People like to talk about themselves.

 

“Nope, we’ll talk about this later.” But then there’s Ali; Ali who knows every trick in the book, especially Tobin’s book.

 

Tobin just smiles though, she tried. “Fine, ask a question.”

 

“What’s going on with you two?”

 

“Anything but that question.”

 

“How’d you meet?” Ali nibbles on her pizza crust and takes a sip of her sprite. She’s got a feeling this is probably a topic Tobin’s not even too sure of; Alex that is. Ali takes comfort in knowing that Tobin’s really the same person she was before, just a bit older and a bit wiser. But that girl is still in there, not to mention the topic of soccer. That’s something Ali wants to bring up, but really can’t, not if she wants to make this friendship work again. Maybe later though.

 

“Uh, well, I was going to the library and she was in my spot.” And that sounds dorky. Really really dorky and nerdy and sort of lame, Tobin hasn’t really put much thought into the physical situations her and Alex have been in, mostly just the emotional stuff. But Ali hasn’t said anything on the matter so she figures that that’s leeway to continue. Ali was a soundboard for a lot of her life back in Jersey and Tobin’s continuously realizing that not much has changed. That’s comforting.

 

“So what?”

 

“It’s my spot.”

 

“And it’s my spot.”

 

“That’s stupid.”

 

“Do you want to hear my story or what?”

 

“I do.” Ali smiles and figures that Tobin probably needs the banter. Joking around makes everything easier and Tobin was always the sort of person for being ‘chill’ than being confrontational.

 

“She was in my spot and then we hung out and I met Kelley and it’s been nice. I don’t know she didn’t ever seem like the sort of person to invite strangers over to her house for break, but yeah.”

 

“You’re not the sort of person to say yes to a stranger.”

 

“She wasn’t really a stranger.”

 

“Oh?” Ali’s raised eyebrow is an indicator of interest. She finally thinks they’re getting somewhere. Tobin needs this as much as Ali’s curious.

 

“I don’t know. Ever since I came here. I mean you know. It’s an escape. Yale has really been an escape for me and it was about me finding myself and getting through school and being a part of this bigger picture. I wanted to function on my own.”

 

And Ali sort of gets it, but she wonder’s if Tobin’s ever even seen it.

 

“I think I ended blocking everyone else out.” Tobin does see it.

 

“But Alex?”

 

“Alex just, I don’t know how to explain it.”

 

“We don’t have to talk about it.”

 

“Ali? Is it okay if I do?” There’s a huge amount of vulnerability that Tobin is showing at this moment and Ali doesn’t really know how to handle it. This is the Tobin she remembers seeing for three days after Tobin’s father died and then she became a hard wall that even Ali couldn’t climb.

 

“You don’t have to ask.” Tobin trusts Ali. Tobin trusts Ali and Alex might have witnessed her breaking point, but Ali was her person. Alex said that Kelley was her person and Tobin knows that Ali is hers. She knows her journal has been her confidant for these past few years, but now she has Ali back and Tobin knows that she needs to start depending on someone.

 

“I tried to step onto the field. I tried to play.”

 

“What stops you?”

 

“I just remember how he taught me everything. I learned how to nutmeg with him. I gained every skill from him and he taught me how to love the game.”

 

“He’d want you to be happy. You were happy on the field.”

 

“He left.”

 

“Tobin, he left, but he was your dad. He is your dad. Given the time, he would have made it up to you.”

 

“She hated me ‘cause of him.”

 

“She couldn’t have hated you.”

 

“Ali, how’d it all burn so fast?”

 

Ali looks at Tobin in the eye. This whole thing is painful for Tobin, but it was painful for Ali too. He was as much a father figure to her as possible. She learned from him too.

 

“I don’t know, but I’m here now. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. You should get back out there. It’s only been a few years. It’s muscle memory. You could do it.”

 

“Maybe?”

 

They pause for a bit. Tobin’s clearly thinking everything over and Ali’s got a lot to think about too. They pay and leave after a while. It’s still bright out though and Tobin walks with Ali to a small park.

 

“I’m glad you came.”

 

“Me too.”

 

Ali’s smile is reflected in Tobin’s face.

 

\------------------------

 

“Hello?” Ashlyn picks up her phone after about thirty seconds of staring at the unknown number.

 

“Hey, it’s Tobin.” And what the fuck. Tobin hasn’t really spoken to her in ages.

 

“Well, hi.”

 

“So this is awkward.” Tobin was sorta blunt back in the day, Ashlyn remembers that.

 

“Proceed.” And Ashlyn never really cared and finds awkward entirely amusing.

 

“Ali’s staying here, you probably know that.”

 

An hour or so later Ashlyn hangs up the phone and wonders what the hell happened.

 

\------------------------

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, that's not my best work. I'm really struggling with this story and it blows. I have exactly how they get together in my head but closing all the problems I made is hard. Bear with me?

**Chapter 11**

 

**Sunday December 24th**

 

"What if I bring over some s'mores?"

 

"I don't have a fireplace."

 

"So what?"

 

Tobin smiles into the phone and nods her head as if Alex could see that across the line.

 

"Okay."

 

"Need anything else?"

 

"Nope, but don't buy too much."

 

"No guarantees." Alex hangs up the phone and Tobin goes back to cleaning up her place. She's honestly never had this many people at her place, especially for the holiday, but it's nice. Being surrounded by people she likes on a holiday. She hasn't had a good one in too long.

 

\--------------

 

"Ali get the door? It's probably Alex!" Tobin yells from inside her room. Ali's been helping Tobin clean by laying around and doing nothing. Not that Tobin minds. It’s just funny that Ali’s such a lazy person.

 

“You want me to get up?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Fine.” Ali gets up from her position on the couch and drags her feet towards the door. She unlocks it and throws the door open without even looking at the guest and starts making her way back towards the couch.

 

“I don’t even get a ‘hello’?” Ali stops mid step and as if she was a cartoon she twists around and throws herself into Ashlyn’s arms.

 

“That’s better.” Ashlyn drops her bags and holds Ali. It’s a full hug. Ashlyn’s got her arms tight around Ali’s waist and Ali’s got her head buried into Ashlyn’s shoulder. “Mphm mmm hmm.” Ali’s words are purely mumbles because she’s got her face hidden in Ashlyn's neck.

 

“Babe you’re going to have to be more clear.” Ashlyn's making fun of her girlfriend, but she’s nothing but happy that she’s got Ali back in her arms.

 

“What are you doing here?” Ali’s finally lifted her head back up, but doesn’t step back or remove her hands off Ashlyn.

 

“Well, I got a phone call yesterday and then I was on the next flight here.” Ashlyn looks pointedly at Tobin when she says phone call and Ali gets it. Ali turns her head, still refusing to detach herself from Ashlyn’s body, and looks at Tobin. “Why’d you call her?” Ali questions.

 

“I don’t think you should spend Christmas away from her.” Tobin just smiles at the two. Even if she’s never really gotten to know Ashlyn and this is her first step forward in trying. Tobin recognizes that calling Ashlyn was the first step towards reconciling things with Ashlyn and Ali as a couple and even if Ali hasn’t mentioned much of Ashlyn when they talk she knows that Ashlyn’s just an extension of Ali. Tobin still knows Ali better than she's known herself and Tobin knows that Ali loves deeply and relentlessly and she knows this because she feels it too.

 

\----------

 

"Hey, just leave the stuff in your car when you get here? And text me when you're here. I think we should take a walk."

 

Tobin called Alex from her room because Ashlyn and Ali are cuddled up on the couch and she didn't really want to intrude. As much as she's trying she's still got a long way to go before she's comfortable.

 

"Yeah. Is everything okay?"

 

"Yeah. Just need some fresh air." The sound of Alex's genuine concern still is new to Tobin. Tobin's not sure if she'll ever get used to anyone other than Ali caring, but Tobin just made a huge leap forward yesterday by admitting to Ali that Alex is different. Maybe Tobin just needs to sit down and figure this out. Today's not that day though, it's almost Christmas. The first Christmas in a long time that Tobin's actually rejoicing.

 

The problem is that Tobin used to take her faith to heart, but she's strayed and she doesn't know that she could follow His path again. She doesn't know if she trusts His word after what her own father did and after He took her dad away for good.

 

It’s all too much to think about. Tomorrow she’ll act like other people and celebrate Christmas as a consumer in America rather than a Christian.

 

Her phone buzzed her and took her out of her busy thoughts. She looked and saw that Alex was here. Tobin grabbed her jacket and put it on before grabbing her keys and wallet. She rushed out of her room and as she was running out of the front door yelled back at Ali and Ashlyn that she’d be back later.

 

\---------------

 

“I’m glad you’re here.”

 

“I’m surprised she called at all.” Ashlyn replied. She pulled Ali closer to her body and sighed.

 

“Me too, actually.” Ali closed her eyes and kissed Ashlyn’s tattoo covered shoulder softly.

 

“How’s she been?” Ashlyn’s a lot more intuitive than anyone ever gives her credit for. She’s a match for Ali because she’s immature. spontaneous and brash, where Ali’s calculated, caring, and passionate.

 

“It’s been a rollercoaster for her since she’s left home. Lately she’s opened up again and I think something about Alex is doing it.”

 

“Alex?”

 

“Yeah, the forward for Yale that we played against that day. She was with Tobin after the game."

 

“Oh, the pink pre-wrap girl.”

 

“Yeah, she’s opened her up a lot.”

 

“Tobin’s closed off from what I remember about her.”

 

“Yeah, she always has been.”

 

“So what do you think it is?”

 

“I think Alex matches Tobin. I haven’t spent much, if any, time with her yet. That will change after the next few weeks, but I think Alex is a lot like me. That sounds weird. Okay, she’s got the patience and the innocence that Tobin needs right now.”

 

“I guess we’ll know soon what they’re like together.”

 

“Ash?”

 

“Hmm?” Ashlyn nuzzles her face into Ali’s hair and squeezes the hands she’s holding.

 

“Why do you care?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You’re being a big softie and you’re never a softie.”

 

“I am when it comes to you.”

 

“And?”

 

“Tobin’s a big part of your life right now.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“If you tell anyone back at Stanford I’ll kick you out of our bed for a week.”

 

“Liar.” Ali laughs and gets on top of Ali. Ashlyn responds by tickling her.

 

\----------------

 

Tobin jogged down the stairs and out the front to meet Alex at the parking lot. “Hey!” Tobin waves.

 

Alex smiles in response and starts walking towards her. “You know it’s winter and extremely cold, right?”

 

“Alex Morgan doesn’t like the cold?!” Tobin laughs at the huff that comes out of Alex’s mouth.

 

Tobin begins to lead them towards the nearby path. She keeps her hands tight in her pockets and breathes into the air only to see the fog that it makes.Alex remains quite.

 

“Was Christmas big for you?”

 

“We didn’t have the snow in Cali, but we did buy tons of gifts. We have a big family and all. It was mostly for bringing the family together not really the church celebration or anything.”

 

“That’s really cool.” Tobin wants to get better at caring for Alex too. She wants to know her better.

 

“Was it big for you?”

 

“Yeah.” Alex takes Tobin’s short answer as a hint and proceeds walking.

 

“We should head back and get that food started.”

 

“Tell me you didn’t buy the entire store.”

 

“If that makes you feel better.”

 

Alex laughs and begins running back towards the direction of the apartment. Tobin smiles and chases after her. It’s slow, but it’s progress.

 

\------------------

 

“What’re we making?”

 

“I bought mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, bread, pasta, and a bunch of other stuff. I figure tomorrow we can make more stuff, but tonight can be fun...and a test run because I can barely cook.” Alex starts taking everything out of the bags.

 

“Lucky that Ali can, she refuses to cook for me anymore because she says I treat her like a housewife.”

 

“Ash!”

 

“It’s true!”

 

“I can’t cook either so.” Tobin just smiles at the joking and leaves Ali and Alex to it.

 

\--------------

 

Tobin and Alex sat next to each other on one side of the table and Ali and Ashlyn on the other.

 

The dinner consisted of back and forth flirting between Tobin and Alex, in Ashlyn’s opinion anyways. She observed as the two Yale students’ body language and saw how Alex became bolder and bolder as time went on. How Tobin allowed Alex to grab her band and how they laughed. It reminded her a lot of how she and Ali were.

 

So Ashlyn, deciding it was the best way to speed things along, comes up with a plan for Christmas day.

 

**Monday December 25th**

 

“We’re opening presents now!” Ali yells as she runs around Tobin’s small apartment screaming.

 

“Babe, you’re such a brat sometimes.”

 

“I thought I was your princess, Ash.” Tobin doesn’t think she’s ever seen Ashlyn blush before, but leave it to Ali to make it happen.

 

After separating presents, each girl had two to four presents in front of them. They each took turns, Ali going first, refusing to allow anyone else the opportunity. She opened up the gift from Tobin, a Yale scarf and an old copy of one of her favorite books, a letter tucked inside for her to open later. She gave Tobin a hug and opened up Ashlyn’s gift; a sterling silver necklace with a simple A on it. She gave Ashlyn a small peck. Ashlyn’s turn went by fast enough, since Tobin invited her on short notice and wasn’t able to give her anything.

 

Alex anxiously watched as Tobin opened her gift. She had gotten Tobin a writing set, with a pretty pricey pen. She watched as Tobin smiled and gave her a hug. Tobin had gotten Alex a soccer charm and a sweatshirt from the pizza place they always went to. Tobin, after receiving the gift from Alex had immediately felt like she hadn’t done enough. Nevertheless, she hugged Alex and expressed her thanks.

 

The rest of the day passed with them laying around Tobin’s and watching TV. Tobin doesn’t know exactly how it happened, but she ended up on one side of the couch with Alex tucked into her arms in front of her and Ali and Ashlyn in the same position across from them. She doesn’t know what to make of it, but allows it to be.

 

After dinner Tobin tells Alex she’s promising to go to the park the next day. Alex wonders if she should bring her soccer ball.

 

**Tuesday December 26th**

 

"You didn't have to do all that." Tobin’s referring to everything Alex has done, but especially yesterday’s gift and last night’s admission.

 

"I did what I wanted."

 

“What exactly is it that you want Alex?”

 

Alex looks at Tobin thoughtfully. She’s not really prepared to answer that. She shrugs it off because they came out here for a reason.

 

“I want to play soccer.”

 

Tobin responds by sitting down on the hard frozen grass. Alex juggles the ball and doesn’t attempt to do anything serious. This isn’t meant to be practice. It’s meant to just get Tobin out here and talk to her about soccer. Alex isn’t concerned about their relationship. The concern is focused on Tobin’s well-being and a little bit on Alex’s own curiosity.

 

“How’s that grass feel?” Alex loves winters in New Haven. Kelley found it hard to adjust to at first, but Alex liked the snow. She thinks it something about the cold and how alive that can make you feel. Your bones are chill and you remain numb, but once heat settles in you’re suddenly feeling all the air moving around you and warming you. The snowflakes and the stale winter air. It’s all something that’s unique and Alex can see the beauty in things like that.

 

“Like needles.” Tobin responds with her eyes closed.

 

“Why don’t you play anymore?”

 

And okay, the question is slightly random, but it matters. Especially now. It really matters.

 

“Why do you take an interest?”

 

“Why do you find books interesting?” Tobin smiles, her eyes still shut.

 

“They’ve got stories.”

 

“You’ve got stories too. I’m interested.”

 

"I should apologize for what I put you through when you first came here. I don't know exactly what to say or how to rectify it."

 

"I mean my gut was right. So that was nice." Alex smiles and continues juggling the ball.

  
“I don’t really get any of it, but I’m glad you did.”


End file.
